The Importance of Balancing the Four Relationships
GUEST POST: KEN MCLEAN
Balance is the key aspect of life. When we establish or fall into harmony with our life there is a sense of flow or effortlessness. We feel as if the environment is supporting us in our actions. In Ancient Taoism, this was termed Wu Wei or effortless effort. However effortlessness takes great effort. It requires harmonising yin and yang and finding the centerline. The centre in the body is the lower abdomen. When our energy subsides here we feel balanced and calm — we make better decisions. Hence the saying — ‘gut feeling’ or listening from your gut. This is one of the principles of the first relationship — Harmony with Self.
It’s important to bring the four aspects of Self into balance. These aspects are:
- Mind/Body
- Spirit/Ego
- Unconditional/Conditional
- Small Self/Deep Self
The key word relating to Self since ancient times is unification. This is the original meaning of the words Yoga and Aikido and is the primary purpose of meditation. Once we are in Harmony with our Self the other three relationships are easier to harmonise. These are — Partner (others), Nature (place) and our true expression or work (Universe). If we haven’t found that connection to our deep self — we cannot express our true purpose in this world because our true purpose comes from knowing ourself and bringing out who we really are.
There is a word in Japanese — Makoto. It means natural self. Its spiritual meaning is Ma — space — to hear our own word — Koto. In other words to express who we are we need to create space from worldly entanglements. This space is created through meditation, time in nature and practices that absorb our whole self. This is when we can experience intuitive prompting from our centre. This is the meaning of the old saying “one’s ships come in over a calm sea”. Then through acting on the promptings we begin to see our true path open. So with the true practice of connecting to our Deep Self — we experience inspiration. We then need to act on this inspiration that always involves an element of risk.
The first relationship Harmony with Self requires harmony with expression to be fully experienced in a true way. Without expression, the self stagnates. One of the few qualities of spiritual warriorship is courage. The courage to take risks in the direction of our true dream.
One of the outcomes of Harmony with Self is we attract a partner to mirror that connectedness. This is the mirror principle — what we attract in and from others, mirrors the relationship we have with ourself. The practices required to have harmony in relationship differ from those for self.
With self, we need to unify our deeper and small self through such practices as Centring, Alignment, finding the prior place of fulfilment and developing the recognition that happiness can only come from the relationship we have with our deeper self. This deeper self is connecting to everything else and not limited to our personal identity.
When we have established this in ourself we can then help guide others to reach this in themselves. Harmony in relationship requires a different set of skills to practice. These include how to deeply relax and release tension so that we can be fully present with our partner. Then there is the art of deep centred listening, blending, patience and forgiveness — leading to love and compassion.
The third relationship — Harmony with Nature or Place gives equilibrium to all the relationships. For example, the fourth relationship — expression or work — is like the branching out of trees. The bigger the expression of the tree the more important is the root system to stop the tree from falling over. This connection we have to Place or Nature give us deep ground, which gives us deep nourishment and stability so that we can give fully to our true work. Regular breaks where we have contact with Nature enables us to come back refreshed to our work and allows us to live a long life without burn out.
Ultimately the four relationships are like a cross with a circle. When balanced, each expression has the support of the whole circle. When one area is over expressed, it’s like a bubble in a ball that draws energy from another area. Like a tyre with a bump in it, the circle or wheel cannot flow smoothly. So too with our life — when this circle is even our life flows forward and we can reach our full potential for a healthy, successful and wonderful life.
Sydney-based Ken McLean is the author of Harmony is Success (Short Stop Press $29.99) and founder of Shin Sen Dojo, a holistic centre for the development of body, mind, and spirit. Ken has helped thousands of people achieve greater health, harmony, happiness and success through the programs he runs and personal consultations. For more information about Harmony is Success, visit www.shortstoppress.com
