Tonight’s entertainment show
Looking outside, she stood by the window with a warm cup of coffee. It has been raining since the morning. She could hear the brutal wind blow here and there; even the trees struggled to stay in place. She could feel the breeze in each corner of the house. Even with the heaters on full power, everything in the house except her was cold and lifeless.
Memories rushed through her mind and she wondered why they drifted apart. He wasn’t like that when they first met, he was caring and loving. He used to look after her and make sure she was content. As the days passed by, he became very distant and inattentive. He was always at home, but no longer present.
They have talked about it several times. He always ended the argument, dismissing her feelings and accusing her of becoming more sensitive.
Tears ran down her cheek flowing like the rain outside. She knew that he would return home soon and debated how she would react. Should she rush to meet him, and be received by his cold demeanor? Or should she stay there by the window and greet him in an aloof manner? She knew that both would not make a difference for him and it broke her heart.
The rattling sound of the keys disrupted her thoughts. Her body wanted to run to meet him, but her mind screamed at her alerting her at the last moment. She was determined to stand up for herself.
She heard his voice calling her. She had to exert a lot of self-discipline to stand still.
“Hello honey, how was your day?”
She restricted her responses to short sentences. “It was good.” She didn’t ask about his day. On other days, she did most of the talking, but not today. She just hoped to remain resilient.
“What’s for dinner?”
“It is on the table.”
They ate their dinner in silence, a suffocating silence that demanded strenuous efforts to swallow the food. He was scanning his phone from time to time and avoided looking her way. Dinner was a punishment tonight, like most of the times. On rare occasions, she would be lucky to witness an exception, when he came back in a good mood.
She stood abruptly, temporarily cutting his attention from the phone. “I will hit the shower and head to bed, please put the leftovers in the fridge.” She left him alone before he had the chance to utter a word.
She heard him mutter under his breath; she could not decipher the words but guessed that he would be blaming her hormones, as usual.
She lay in bed consumed in her thoughts. What will she do? She was confused and felt lost. She could not hold back her tears.
He joined her after 2 hours. She was still awake as she could not sleep, but tried to fake being asleep. She expected that he would embrace her in a hug, that he would kiss her, that he would caress her skin… He let her down again and turned his back adjusting his position. Heartbroken, she shut her eyes concealing her pain and muffling her cries.
Sunrays sneaked through the window, lighting up the room and indicating a new day. The sun triumphed over the dark clouds putting an end to the bad weather. She was awake but did not move out
of bed. He fidgeted, as it was time to get ready for work.
Usually, she would wake him up and prepare a delicious breakfast. This will not be the case today. He did not set any alarm; he always depended on her to wake him up.
Startled he woke up, only to find that he missed his 8:30 am meeting. He was hysteric, shouting here and there while pacing the room to get ready. Despite that, she did not move, praying that he would leave soon.
She heard a loud bang and she knew that he left for work.
She sprang out of bed. A whole mess was created in their bedroom from the tantrum he threw: pajamas on the floor, clothes here and there, a shoe here and another one there, etc. She went to the living room.
The table was still set from yesterday’s dinner. She could not see the leftovers, but the dirty dishes were still on the table. He did not exert any effort to put them in the sink. She assumed that he had nuts after
dinner, as nutshells were left on a tissue next to an opened beer.
Rage was building up inside her.
She went to the bedroom and retrieved the video camera. She turned it on and started to record. “My dear husband, today I will give you the chance to see what I do every single day. You always belittled my work at home, and of course, you would, because your work is more important… your work is of higher value… So tonight, prepare yourself for an entertainment show, quite different from the ones you watch on your phone every night, while we have dinner.
So, I wake up and rush to the kitchen. I try to outrun the ticking clock to prepare your breakfast in due time. Of course, I would plan the breakfast the night before, because you do not like to eat the same breakfast every day. Before I continue, have you ever wondered what I liked? Do you know that I can’t stand the smell of tuna? I am sure you do not. You never heard my gags in the kitchen. Nevertheless, I used to prepare it for you, because I know that tuna is your favorite meal. I set out the table for breakfast while trying to phase out the lingering smell of tuna. For sure, you won’t
see dirty dishes on the table, because I would have cleared them directly after dinner. But today, they are here to stay.
We sit at the table, and most of the time we don’t talk. See I learned over the years that you are not a morning person. You don’t speak much at dinner either because you would be tired from work. Sometimes, I try to
imagine you at work. I wonder if you do speak at work. I wonder if you smile at your colleagues or laugh with them. What stories do you share with them? Do you talk about us? I will never know, I guess.
You rush outside to start your day. You kiss me on my cheek, a rushed senseless kiss. It feels like a task you tick off your to-do list.
Let me show you where I head next. I go into our room and clear the mess. You see all of those clothes here and there. I organize them every single day and then you disperse them here and there again when you come back. I collect your shoes, find the missing pair, and place them in the closet. Remember how many times I asked you to put them in the closet? You never did, you just scatter them all around. You do not have to worry about them at all, keep them scattered, I will not complain about them
anymore.
I then pick up the dirty laundry, which is scattered on the bathroom floor. I wonder if your papers are scattered on the floor in your office. See, another thing you do not know about me is that I have a wild imagination.
I clean the bathroom and our room. I usually finish from this part of the house at 10:00 am. Tell me, how many tasks do you cross off your list by
that time?
I then head to clean the living room. Every single day I remove your beer and the nutshells from the table. By the way, the garbage can is located in the kitchen under the sink. I wonder if it were difficult for you to find
it. I finish this part at around noon.
Dinner preparation is next. I head to the supermarket to get a few items for dinner. I had attempted to shift this task to you; it never worked and your excuse was that you do not have energy after work for grocery
shopping. If I call you to get an item that I had forgotten, you would become very upset, and I never hear the end of it. You would always say that I forget because I do not keep a list.” You are wrong about
this; the same applies to everything else. I forget because I keep thinking of you: what are you doing now? At what time will you return home? In which state of mind? Am I doing something wrong? Do you still love me?
I rush back home to prepare your dinner. Usually, I finish my work, my trivial work, at 4 pm. At that moment, I can rest a bit and drink my first cup of coffee. By the way, how many cups of coffee have you consumed by that time? You must have had lunch too. How many tasks have you finished by then?
Just for you to know, I am not done for today. It is only a short break. My night shift begins when you come back home. I won’t drag longer with the details. I assume you already know them.”
She heard the doorbell ring. She stopped the recording and headed towards the door. At the doorstep, there he was…
A delivery man with a big bouquet and a card. The card read, “No need to
prepare dinner, I am taking you out.” Her hands trembled as she held the card. She contemplated her decision, wondering if she would regret it
later on. He might change this time, she told herself.
She refused to think about it again and reminded herself of the decision she made. She was determined to stand up for herself. She decided that it was time to move on, and she promised herself that she would not change her mind no matter what he did or didn’t do…
She put the bouquet on the table and started the recording again. “I just received the bouquet. It was not a surprise; I expected it because you get me a gift every time we fight or go into the silent treatment. A bribe to make me stay. But let me commend you, it is a nice bouquet. As I told you repeatedly before, you do not know me at all, after all of those years together. I never cared about the gifts or was impressed by fancy outings. I always wanted you to kiss me passionately, to make me feel that my presence mattered. Hugging me tightly would have been enough, in an affectionate embrace where I can feel you in it. See, it was that simple. I
expressed my feelings several times, but to you, I always sounded over-sensitive. Maybe that was your way of showing me love, but it kills me after all those years that you could not change a bit to accommodate my needs. Here we are today; our relationship has reached a dead end. I am choosing myself, at least once in a lifetime. I decided to leave and my decision is irrevocable.” She stopped the recording and placed it on his laptop, placing a sticky note on it, which read: “Tonight’s entertainment show”.
She held her suitcase and left the house. Her heart was beating
profoundly. Feeling anxious, she thought of going back inside and deleting the recording. She can still do so as there has been no damage so far. She would quiet her thoughts by doing the household chores until he arrived. And then they would go out for dinner.
She refused to stop, walking away faster. To clear up the overwhelming feelings of hesitation that bottled up inside her, she repeated to herself continuously and firmly: “it’s time to move on”. It was her new mantra.
