If You’re ‘Too’ Comfortable Chances Are You’re Settling
I believe this happens when we stop believing we deserve better. Or that it’s too risky to try going for ‘it’.
When the idea to write about settling came to my mind I had to dig deep to figure out or point out the ways one can become ‘too’ comfortable. And in the process of breaking down why, I came to the conclusion that it’s because we stop believing that we deserve much better and/or we’re too afraid to risk the comfort we already have because there’s no guarantee we’re actually going to get the ‘better’ we dream about. I’m here to break these down further so that you can see that not trying, not moving forward, is the bigger mistake.
The first way that I believe we start getting comfortable and begin settling is when we stop thinking for ourselves. We let others and their expectations determine what is it that our lives are supposed to look like and we make decisions for our lives based on those opinions. I believe this is the first level of comfort many of us end up falling into because if you think about it, well you don’t really need to, the path has already been chosen and drawn out for you by others. It may be your family, it may be your community, it may be your culture and its expectations. But when we stop thinking for ourselves we lose the creativity that would have developed; the out of the box thinking that can make our lives that much more adventurous.
This then progresses into actually believing that we do not deserve better, and this is the dangerous part. When we are told what to do constantly we lose the ability to think for ourselves and figure out problems by ourselves. This then becomes a confirmation tale where we encounter an issue, we don’t have the ability to troubleshoot it, and because we were not able to figure out a solution we then tell ourselves, until we are convinced, that’s it’s best to let others do the thinking and choosing for us because clearly we’re not capable of doing it.
It’s actually a pretty backwards idea when you give yourself the time to break it down. If you think about it, what this means is that you have not been taught to encounter problems head on and when you do have to, and do not have the tools to succeed (because they were never taught to you in the first place), you use that as a sign to confirm that you cannot handle them. It reminds me of the argument of companies looking for more experience in college student resumes when said students have been in school trying to graduate. And when they do try to look for jobs they get told they don’t have enough experience — see what I mean?
Perhaps the most twisted part in all of this is that we don’t even realize others are doing the thinking for us. I was on that boat until I graduated college and I was the one that had to chose what jobs I wanted to apply for and what path I wanted to proceed with. It was a rude awakening, one that lead me down a rabbit hole of learning to become self-aware and self-dependent. One that taught me that I was an adult now and I had to be the one to do the thinking. Especially because I had bills and those needed to get paid by me, and no one else.
The other idea that drives our comfort and over time gets us to settle is when we’re too afraid to take any risks. I’ve witnessed close friends and family members’ potential when having a conversation at the dinner table. I hear them speak of wonderful ideas and talking about what a beautiful life they could have, and then they end the sentence with something like ‘but that is not for people like us’. What does that mean ‘people like us’?! Or I hear friends say that they are ready to do something different, that they need a change of pace and need to look for something more purpose driven, something that actually speaks to their hearts. But then later I hear them say that they’re not ready. What do you mean you’re not ready?! Of course you’re not, you’ve never done this before! But not trying at all means you don’t get to find out if this truly is the next level for you or not.
I lived in this fear bubble for a while, and I still battle it today. But little by little it gets less taxing. Before I felt like my heart was about to drop out of my chest. These days it feels like my pulse is rising in anticipation. But in the days I was afraid of taking risks, I sacrificed so much of myself and creativity, I’m honestly very surprised I have gotten so much of it back.
Many of us can feel it. That itch in our hearts and minds that tells us that things are supposed to be better. That the life we had imagined as kids or teenagers (because when you’re a kid it’s okay to be creative) should be the one that we go after. But being conditioned in the classroom and at home, by our teachers, parents, people in authority. They shut down that creativity and dreaming over time, until we stop believing we should always look for the ‘better’. But then it begins to come back. Once we’re adults and we start living lives and having to make decisions for ourselves we get that itch again, and I’m here to tell you that’s your inner compass telling you it’s time to start going in the right direction.
My ‘big’ move or decision to start blogging came about a moment like this. Where, funny enough, life (God for me personally) put me in a position to have to explore my creativity. I was fired from my job earlier this year. During that time I read Untamed by Glennon Doyle and it gave me an entire new perspective on the life that I could be missing out on if I didn’t try something new (and scary). Writing is that for me. It’s that scary new thing that I have never done before that inspires my creativity but because I have so little experience in I’m scared of failing miserably. Luckily I keep finding blogs and articles on this platform that keep convincing me that forward is the way to go. And so here I am writing to you about the dangerous and sad choice it is to remain settled.
I encourage you to let yourself nurture that idea that you thought of, instead of thinking right away that perhaps it’s been done already or maybe it’s silly. I encourage you to start practicing letting your ideas flow and even write them down. You don’t have to do anything with them yet but just letting them be born is the first, most significant step. The book I mentioned above, I highly recommend that you get a copy for yourself and read it. It changed my perspective so much on the life I thought I was supposed to create. I hope whoever reads this finds it insightful and most of all helpful, since that is the purpose for which I started writing for.
