An open letter to my former-best friend
Dear old friend,
On the day we met, I was elevated by your bright smile that seemed to be a golden ticket leading me to an adventurous future. And even though you barely knew my name, you hugged me within minutes and I knew that the golden ticket was the friendship I had longed for.
Though our friendship was brand new, we seemed to skip through the awkward get-to-know-each-other phase and dive straight towards full-blown sisterhood.
My mother would sigh after I would return home from our sleepless sleepovers with my eyes sinking from the weight of exhaustion. But, her sigh wasn’t heavy because she could see the comfort I’d found in having a true, real friend.
High school, the roller coaster of ups and downs once had me thinking that we’d never survive — we were broken, bent, and our backs were stabbed — but we always had each other.
You could make me laugh so hard that I would snort and writhe in pain from my chest being so full of light that I felt like I would nearly burst.
You could comfort me as tears rolled down my cheeks; you found ways to remedy my insecurities and turn them into strength. I’d like to think I did that for you too.
I wanted all the things you hated about yourself to become just as meaningless to you as they were to me. I tried to show you that the way you saw yourself was not the same as the way the world saw you.
My friend, I loved you unconditionally and at the time I felt like I would always stretch my arms across seas to find you.
You’re no longer close though — I honestly don’t know where you are. You are galaxies away, but not from other people, just from me.
And as I ponder our friendship, I know I’ve made a handful of mistakes so massive that they can’t be fixed and for that I would never blame you. I’m sorry for everything. And when I say everything, I mean everything.
The times when you were there for me and I was there for you now fold into nothingness. I’m left wondering what happened. What happened? You have effortlessly faded from my life as if it all meant nothing. But maybe that’s what you needed.
Everyone says that people come and go. It’s true. But, that doesn’t make it easy. I know nothing will be the same, but I never thought we’d be strangers like we are now. I used to hear your laugh every day of the week and now I only hear it in my head. But it will fade as more weeks, months, and years go by, until I am left with nothing but faint memories of you.
We used to be so consumed with the concept of “BFF” that we wore matching bracelets and couldn’t stand to be separate for one minute. I only realize now what you taught me: best friends aren’t forever, and maybe they shouldn’t be. You see, if we go through the motions endlessly staying with the same people, nothing would ever change. I grew because of you.
In high school, you were the best thing that had ever happened to me. As people come and go, I’ve realized that I’m thankful for the little imperfect pocket of time that we had each other. Sometimes, we aren’t meant to know each other for eternity. Our “best friends forever” become irrelevant and that’s okay, because it’s just part of life.
Other people will come along, bringing new golden tickets to new and better places.