To give or not to give second chances: Forgiveness and all that other scary stuff
By Niabi
One of the scariest parts of accepting an apology is deciding whether or not we want to give a person who did us wrong a second chance. We all deal with conflict differently, and our personal experiences have shaped our ability to forgive and move forward.
Offering forgiveness and/or a second chance is often a complex situation, and requires the responsibility, maturity, and input of both parties involved. It’s also something that we practice at the U of A. Restorative justice is one step on the path to forgiveness (again, for all involved). The infographic at the end of this post outlines the steps of restorative justice as they’re outlined in the Residence Community Standards & Code of Conduct Policy.
But first, let’s outline some of the reason why you might want to pursue forgiveness in the first place.
It makes sense to focus on your own feelings when someone does you wrong — however, trying to understand the context of the other person’s actions can help with your healing process. Doing so does not excuse their wrong doings or invalidate your feelings, but it adds context to their actions which can make it easier to at least try to be empathetic and to offer forgiveness and/or to move forward.
As tough as it is, practicing forgiveness and giving second chances will help you mature as a person. Learning how to “pick your battles” will help you recognize when addressing a conflict is actually worth it.
Life is too short to leave things on bad terms. Granted, the best solution in some situations is to walk away, especially when fixing the situation will in itself could cause further harm. But if you have regrets about the way things panned out, giving someone a second chance might lead to a better outcome.
Think about a time when you yourself had to ask for forgiveness or a second chance. Why did you do so? Because a second chance is an opportunity to be better and to grow as a person. If you hope that others can see this type of potential growth in you, be sure to offer it when you see potential in another person too.
Try to treat negative situations as learning opportunities. You can learn how to avoid negative situations, but you can also learn how to be a better communicator because of them — both with the person who you want to forgive and with others you may encounter later in life.
A grudge is like an emotional anchor. It will keep you grounded in a pool of negativity, and this will drain you emotionally. Forgiveness and a second chance will be your wind and your sail to moving forward.
By denying someone a second chance, you are denying yourself the peace that comes with forgiving and moving forward. Release the burden from yourself, as it is not yours to carry.
