Different Types of Intimacy and How it Effects Overall Health
Intimacy is defined as a closeness or familiarity.
Having intimacy within a relationship can involve multiple aspects of a shared closeness. Before venturing into the different definitions and ways we relate to others, we must first look at our own personal intimacy.
Self intimacy involves an honesty about how we view ourselves, speak with ourselves and relate to the person we are. Ways that a person can increase self exploration can be taking time to be in solitude, enjoying nature or walking in nature, journaling or self reflection. These activities can increase the intimacy and knowledge of the self.
Another personal intimate relationship people have is within their food practices. Food relationships are all very personal and intimate, this is a closeness shared between the person and how they relate to food. Food relationships begin from the moment a person enters the world and the shared connection between feeding and the caregiver. Sharing food, eating and meals create a shared bond and a way to relate, connect and show love to one another.
Food Intimacy
Feeding and eating is an intimate act we share with ourselves and others beginning from the point we enter the world.
The bonding aspect happens between a child and its caregiver, these bonds can continue to grow and shape our food relationships throughout our lives.
Connection, celebration and unity often comes along with a meal that is shared. Intimate romantic aspects of food consumption can be seen as a date night meal or even the act of feeding a loved one. Our care for another as well as our care for ourselves can non-verbally be communicated through the act of providing food for one another, cooking and sharing in a meal. Food can be seen as an offering of nourishment with the connotation of care for another wellbeing and physical body nutrition.
Food relationship intimacy can also have the effect of using food as a way to console ourselves, cope or escape. Adding in a layer of wearing for comfort in way of consumption. Learning more about yourself, your feelings and ways to address emotions can create a positive relationship with food and increase self intimacy. Showing ourselves that we care and are here to offer nourishment and compassion to ourselves.
“Food preferences and eating behavior are shaped in childhood and develop under the influence of relatives, peers, partners, and the socio-cultural environment. The influence of social norms regarding eating behavior remains strongly present in adulthood. Many social interactions revolve around shared meals, and even when a meal is consumed alone food items can elicit a sense of belonging through associations and memories”.
Hamburg, M. E., Finkenauer, C., & Schuengel, C. (2014). Food for love: the role of food offering in empathic emotion regulation. Frontiers in psychology, 5, 32. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.00032
Characteristics that Influence Intimacy
Knowing Yourself
Coming to know yourself and your innermost feelings can help develop your own sense of value and security, this can then lead to the want to share with others.
Trusting and Caring
Caring is an emotional bond that allows intimacy to develop. Trust builds gradually within the self or relationship based on sincere investment.
Honesty and Communication
It is important when communicating with someone to listen not only to their words but also to their non-verbal cues. Nonverbal communication provides valuable clues to feelings. The tone of voice, gestures, body posture, and facial expressions not only accentuate the spoken word but can also express emotion directly.
Other types of intimacy we share with both ourselves and other people in our lives (this can include family, friends, acquaintances etc). These connections require mutual trust, care and acceptance to allow for moments of vulnerability and an opening up for another person to share their feelings and thoughts in a safe manner.
Opening up to another person can be frightening and many feel the need to protect their feelings. This can be a barrier into intimacy in a shared relationship, as, “Personal intimacy is a state in which two individuals are able to let down their outer layers of defense and protection and allow themselves to let the other see him or her as she truly is while creating the space in which her partner feels safe enough to do the same” (Degges-White, 2018).
Other Types of Intimacy
Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is sharing authentic and genuine thoughts and feelings. These thoughts can be shared in a way where neither person feels judgement, a safe and comforting environment. A way to do this is to slow down, speak with intention, keep what you are saying simple, and allow yourself to express things that are hard to say.
“Major contributions to relationship quality are made by the couple’s emotional intimacy, as it helps to buffer daily stress and thus enhances partners’ well-being and adjustment (Levine, 1991; Prager, 1997; Yoo, Bartle-Haring, Day, & Gangamma, 2014), as well as their satisfaction with their sexual relationship (Hinchliff & Gott, 2004; Impett et al., 2008; Impett, Muise, & Peragine, 2014; Klusmann, 2002; Yoo et al., 2014)”.
Intellectual Intimacy
Intellectual intimacy is the ability to share your viewpoints and communicate beliefs without fear of judgement. The freedom to think and feel freely, a meeting of the minds that is challenging, satisfying and stimulating.
Spiritual Intimacy
Spiritual intimacy is connection found within nature or the universe, a connection to something that is believed to encompass more than just you, often being described as something greater.
Experiential Intimacy
Experiential intimacy is the shared connection with a moment, an inside joke, moving in unison with another person, a bonding experience that creates a deepening of the relationship.
Overall Intimicy Tips
- Take the time to connect with yourself — Journalling, reflecting and solitude can strengthen this.
- If there is a certain aspect of intimacy you would like to strengthen, practice this area.
- Allow yourself to feel and share vulnerability and honest feelings.
- Release any judgements or preconceived notions you may have about yourself or the person you are creating intimacy with.
- Take your time, no need to rush anything. Let the feelings and experiences you are having unfold organically, try to feel each moment and experience.
- For increasing intimacy within your food relationship try finding a food you have a strong connection too and practice appreciation and a savoring of the experience as you eat this food.
- Intimacy is about an exploration of closeness, letting your barriers down to feel safe and supported, whether this is a journey within your self, a relationship or any other variation.
