How to Overcome All-or-Nothing Thinking
Making new habits and changes in behavior can be a difficult and frustrating process. It can also be extremely fulfilling and life-changing. There can be many steps and moving parts in creating and maintaining a habit. A lot of thoughts and emotions can come up during this process.
A few common barriers in behavior change can stem from thoughts categorized as cognitive distortions. Examples of these can include all-or-nothing thinking, discounting the positives, and jumping to conclusions.
All-or-nothing thinking can make someone feel like they have to be a success otherwise they will be a failure. One minor slip-up can feel like throwing in the towel and giving up altogether. The fact of the matter is; that this can be a valid thought, but not a realistic one. Nobody gets anything exactly perfect the first time they try, but with a little repetition, the successes increase. “A big part of dismantling our cognitive distortions is simply being aware of them and paying attention to how we are framing things to ourselves, good mental habits are as important as good physical habits” (Grinspoon, 2022).
When feeling caught in a thought that you ‘should give up’ or begin to feel the downward spiral of self-doubt, take a moment to step back and reframe. Take a few breaths and acknowledge the feeling that is arising, then think about how to better approach what is going on. “If we frame things in a healthy, positive way, we almost certainly will experience less anxiety and isolation; this doesn’t mean that we ignore problems, challenges, or feelings, just that we approach them with a can-do attitude instead of letting our thoughts and feelings amplify our anxiety” (Grinspoon, 2022).
Acknowledging and validating emotions that come up is an important aspect of emotional intelligence. “Once your mind consciously recognizes your negative emotions, there is a binary choice: resist or accept the negative thinking, according to psychologist Carl Jung, accepting negative thoughts enables us to disarm them, while resisting merely gives them more power” (Kelly, 2019).
One practice that can help during the process of recognizing emotions is using mindfulness. Taking a moment to separate yourself from the emotion or thought that is coming up, can give the time to process or understand where the root of this is coming from. Mindfulness may seem confusing or like there are many distractions that come into the mind. “As those distractions occur — as they inevitably will — one need only identify them as thoughts or feelings, and return to the focus of the meditation, whether that is a breath, an object, or whatever it happens to be” (Kelly, 2019). Using this technique can bring you back into the moment. Breathing can be a very useful tool.
Once a person is able to take a moment from being caught in the emotion, they can start to sort out and make sense of the thought. If all-or-nothing thinking is coming up, remember that you do not need to be perfect. Many successes come along the way during behavior change, as well as some mistakes or repeated unwanted behaviors. “The recognition and awareness of these distorted thoughts is the beginning of the road to recovery; recovery from perfection requires a correction of improper thinking” (Kelly, 2015).
Striving for perfection may not be inherently negative, but can set expectations unrealistically high which lead to disappointments. Create smaller goals and celebrate those wins. Think of behavior change as an exploration with yourself, observe and see what happens. Reframing the context, and taking away the strict ‘black or white’ thinking can open up more possibilities and gratification.
Tips to Overcome All-or-Nothing Thinking:
- Acknowledge and validate emotions that come up
- Try to notice where your thoughts or emotions are coming from, especially during times of feeling down on yourself
- Bring mindful behavior into the thinking process, reframe the context of thoughts around giving up and all or nothing thinking
- Prepare a plan of what to do ahead of time for when a barrier or mistake might occur
- Positive affirmations can help motivate and move past sticky points
- Validate and celebrate the small moments of success along your personal journey.
Overall, understanding the process of behavior change can help to shed light on some potential difficulties or barriers that come up along the way. Cognitive distortions may arise or be something that is natural to someone’s personality. Being aware of what this is can help to adjust and reframe the process, which leads to more successful outcomes and feelings of self-efficacy.
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References
How to recognize and tame your cognitive distortions. Peter Grinspoon. Harvard Health. May 4, 2022. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/how-to-recognize-and-tame-your-cognitive-distortions-202205042738
Kelly J. D., 4th (2019). Your Best Life: Managing Negative Thoughts-The Choice is Yours. Clinical orthopedics and related research, 477(6), 1291–1293. https://doi.org/10.1097/CORR.0000000000000791
Kelly J. D., 4th (2015). Your Best Life: Perfectionism — The Bane of Happiness. Clinical orthopedics and related research, 473(10), 3108–3111. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11999-015-4279-9
