No is a Complete Sentence
A boundary is a limit a person puts up between them and another person. This can be a physical, emotional, or time-based boundary. Healthy boundaries can serve a host of benefits for an individual. Some boundaries may be rigid and others may be loose, in general, a healthy boundary falls somewhere within this area (Selva, 2022). Creating and maintaining your self-identity is made up of knowing your core values and creating boundaries with others to reflect your values. “Specifically, healthy boundaries can help people define their individuality and can help people indicate what they will and will not hold themselves responsible for” (Selva, 2022).
Consequences of not creating boundaries in your life can lead to feelings of resentment, anger, burnout, “stress, financial burdens, wasted time, and relationship issues, which can cause mental distress” (Prism Health North Texas, n.d.)” (Selva, 2022). How to avoid these issues is using clear, honest, and open conversations. By using these skills when setting a boundary all parties involved will be aware of what is and is not acceptable. “Setting healthy boundaries can have many benefits, including helping people make decisions based on what is best for them, not just the people around them, this autonomy is an important part of self-care” (Selva, 2022).
Setting boundaries can happen between romantic partners, professional relationships, family, friendships, and even between you and yourself. The main factor is to be clear with what you want, honor your needs, and communicate what suits you best. Putting yourself first can be a challenge, but it is a worthwhile investment in your mental health (Scott, 2012). Doing this can also help to enrich the personal connections you have with others. Boundaries are not always about creating distance between relationships, in many cases having clear boundaries allows for trust and increased intimacy between people.
Advantages of creating and maintaining healthy boundaries are an increased development of self-identity, feelings of autonomy, support of mental and emotional health, avoiding feelings of burnout and resentment (Selva, 2022). Clear and honest communication can help support relationships with other people, stating your boundaries helps to influence your personal behaviors as well as influencing behaviors of others. When a clear boundary is set people will respond by respecting your wishes or choosing to overstep your boundary. In the case of someone not respecting your boundary, a conversation and consequence are necessary to communicate that is not acceptable to you.
The consequences of boundaries that have been overstepped are a way to enforce your boundary and stay true to yourself. This can sometimes cause discomfort if we are not used to this behavior. It is important to stay strong in what you want because you can end up compromising in a way that does not align with your values, thus leading to hurt feelings or resentment. If this happens “it may seem as if others are taking advantage of you or that you are being expected to give too much” (Scott, 2021).
“If you feel like you’re unhappy, resentful, insecure in relationships, being taken advantage of, or losing a sense of identity, think about whether you have unhealthy boundaries and consider setting healthy ones” (Brennan, 2021).
How to create a healthy boundary.
It starts with self-reflection and an examination of your life.
“You may have strong boundaries with certain people or concepts but be lacking in another area that can help to focus where to start” (Selva, 2022). Proper boundaries can lead to feelings of ease between relationships, if you are feeling there is a conflict or something is out of balance try to identify exactly what is feeling off to you (Scott, 2021). Conflict and imbalance of relationships can lead to an accumulation of stress which can hinder your physical and mental health. Start by finding a way to say no that feels good to you, try to be clear with your words, and not make excuses for the behavior you do not approve of. It can even be as simple as the word “no”.
Changing the wording can help be more clear to other people, try to avoid blame, and state your needs instead. An example would be “I need some time to myself after I get home from work”, which is a way to be clear about your own needs and the space you are requesting (Selva, 2022). Everyone has the right to determine their own space and time boundaries, this is another important part of self-care. Allowing yourself the autonomy to choose time to yourself allows for less burnout or overwhelmed feelings. These boundaries allow personal relationships to respect the needs of everybody involved, they can enable you to have healthy independent, and interdependent aspects of a relationship (Scott, 2021).
Health Benefits
- Build greater self-esteem
- Get clear on who you are, what you want, your values, and belief systems
- Bring focus to yourself and your well-being
- Enhance your mental health and emotional well-being
- Avoid burnout
- Develop independence
- Gain a greater sense of identity
- Protect your physical and sexual health
(Brennen, 2021)
Simple Steps/Tips
- Evaluate where you feel you could use boundaries
- Communicate your thoughts in a constructive, honest, and clear way
- Keep it simple
- Stay true to your consequences and follow through if a boundary is being overstepped
- Take responsibility for your own actions and respect other people’s boundaries as well
- Teach yourself the power of saying “no” and how to feel good about this choice.
- Know when to step away — if a boundary is consistently being crossed this may be a time to take further space or leave the relationship. This is showing respect for your personal boundaries and what is best for your health.
Interested in more overall health topics, make sure to check out the Ate app.
Sources
Medically Reviewed by Dan Brennan, MD on October 25, 2021. Setting Boundaries.
Selva, Joaquin. 2022. How to Set Healthy Boundaries: 10 Examples + PDF Worksheets.
Scott, Elizabeth PhD. Boundaries in Relationships and Stress. How Boundaries in Relationships Can Affect Stress Levels. (Updated on February 04, 2021).
