Business communication
Want to Connect with People by Putting Emotion in Your Communication?
The first step is to become aware of your feelings.
Have you experienced cold informational communication in some meetings, and friendly, open, warm sharing of both information and emotional, personal notes in others? Totally different isn’t it?
On stage in front of an audience, or in a meeting room, we have the option to shut down our emotions and resume to dry, lifeless facts and figures, to communicate coldly and show people just our expert side or emotionally connect with people, establish contact and create the tone for important information to stick.
As a listener, this second option sounds more attractive, right?
As a speaker, it asks you to be at ease with putting emotion in communication.
It’s a trainable ability. It starts with the decision to not hide from your feelings but access them with intent.
To connect to others, you have first to be connected to yourself.
I see three milestones in the journey towards using emotion in communication in a connecting and conscious way:
- Be aware and manage your own emotions: as a speaker, turn fear into excitement and passion, know your triggers, recognise your own emotions.
- Put yourself in the audience’s or listeners’ shoes and understand their emotions.
- Speak emotionally and lead the listener to where you want to take them (contour the vision, instil the motivation, paint the picture), reveal yourself with authenticity.
Let’s bring our attention to the first one: Be aware of your own emotions.
What does emotional awareness mean?
Sometimes our emotions get confused by the triggers and events of the moment. We can be invaded by surprise, fear, discomfort, shame, guilt, sorrow, anger, sadness, jumping joy or confusion.
The “good” habit of these emotions is that they appear unannounced and catch us completely off-guard. And if we run on autopilot, our internal reaction is :
“What the heck has happened? Why did I react that way? It feels wrong.”
We surprise ourselves in the way we behave towards others.
What can awareness do for you in these moments? Awareness is not a shield. It will not “protect you” from feeling the uncomfortable wave of emotion. But it will offer you the choice to accept it and decide how you answer to it.
Let me tell you about one of my awkward moments:
I was about to give a presentation on having a confident, well-structured and impactful presentation. I had booked an impressive, elegant setting- The Viennese Ballroom, with stylish white lacy chairs, wooden floor, and crystal chandeliers.
But despite my agreement with the organisers, the temperature was freezing cold and to make matters worse, I realised that I had forgotten my wireless presenter.
So here I was …on the edge of panic… in my ethereal silk blouse, shivering on the inside not just because of the cold but with chills up and down my spine because of that mix of :
“Girl, you have committed it! Now how in the world will you manage this? Are you able to put some confidence, structure and impact in your presentation now?”
You probably recognise from my inner dialogue, a mix of unpleasant surprise, guilt, confusion and doubt.
How did this change?
I stopped. I breathed. I looked for solutions asking both the tech staff and the law office in the building
Can I borrow a wireless presenter from you? It would be a life-saver.
But, none was in that building!
So I accepted what was, including my mixed emotions, and followed my next thought:
“What can I do best with what I have? “
And this is how I ended up smiling, passionately sharing my presentation in that cold and refined setting, holding a prominent, big black computer mouse in my hand instead of the usual wireless presenter.
We all face awkward moments, the ones when we feel unprepared, surprised by the change, uncomfortable, having forgotten or missed something, or even overwhelmed with an enthusiasm that takes you over the roof and modifies the way we react and communicate.
It can happen in many forms and shapes- a problem from home that you take with you in a business meeting, something your colleague said that could trigger an instant emotion and makes you react differently. A sudden change of course for how you planned things to go. Fear before giving a speech in front of a big audience.
Next time they take you by surprise, stay aware.
Embrace your emotions mindfully, don’t get trapped in the emotional reaction mechanism. Here is how:
Step 1 Breathe, acknowledge, apply self-compassion
Pause, breathe, remain in the moment, curious and open. Recognise what is happening. Label your emotion. The power of giving a name to what you’re feeling makes you sharper than that emotion. With one condition: to observe with self-compassion, abandoning judgment. When you don’t judge the emotions as “good” or “bad,” you create space for your healthy and conscious response.
Step 2 Accept, decide & respond
Decide what you do with your emotions and how you will respond.
“What can I do best with what I have?” is one of my favourites questions.
For example, if you feel an accelerated heartbeat and butterflies in your stomach before giving a speech transform it into motivational fuel. Don’t focus too much on it, don’t overanalyse (it will give the feeling more power over you). See it as a sign that you care about your audience; you want to offer them something good and transform it into the energy of passion.
Relabel, turn fear into excitement!
In life, we are all too often taught and constrained to withhold or suppress emotions, to hide them and hide from them. However, this can have far-reaching and negative consequences. The true power is in being aware, understanding, feeling, and expressing them! The true power is in shaping our answer to them so that we become the artisans of our best outcomes.
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” Viktor E. Frankl
What do you decide to put in that space next time you have an emotional ambush?
In my next article, you will learn more about the following two steps: Empathy and revealing emotions in your speech. Stay tuned. :)
Want to transform the nervousness into the joy of public speaking? Practice the tips from my free guide: Boost up your confidence! Overcome anxiety, discover the joy of public speaking.
If you want to find out more about the tools that not only creates a tight emotional bond with your audience but also makes your ideas delicious and infinitely memorable, read this article:
