Communication
What Do You Do When Listening Isn’t Enough?
How can you communicate effectively when you don’t understand the language!
Nonverbal communication is an elaborate secret code that is written nowhere, known by none, and understood by all.
Edward Sapir
It’s probably obvious to say listening is the main and most important element when it comes to effectively communicating with the world around you. Not replying immediately and truly digesting what the other person is saying allows us to draw more meaning and understanding from what they’re saying.
But what happens when it’s not possible to understand the words?
I am a newly fledged expat. A Brit, fresh off the ferry in sunny Portugal. Prior to my move I tried my best to retain and learn as much Portuguese as I could — and it’s worked, with some small success.
However, I soon learnt that my main challenge when it comes to listening and speaking the tongue is dialect. In the stunning remote landscape of Alentejo, where I’m living, the dialect is thick, colloqualised, and for a new fish like me, difficult to understand. This renders my ability to both understand, and speak to my new neighbours tricky, regardless of how many different ways I’ve learnt to say ‘thank you’.
Two languages, simultaneously.
It’s situations like this where the ability to communicate effectively becomes almost solely reliant on other aspects — like physical prompts and gesture. 90% of all gestures we use when speaking comes at the exact moment we’re uttering something; it’s like we’re speaking two languages simultaneously. It’s reading this second language where we can interpret meaning when the first language has passed over our heads.
There are two key forms that gesture can usually be attributed to: passive and active. Passive gestures are usually informative, involuntarily giving away intel on the speaker; for example, tapping on a table, clicking fingers, twiddling their earring. Whilst these aren’t necessarily gestures directly linked with speech, they can still be a great way of understanding how the person you’re trying to communicate with is feeling in that moment. For example, twiddling with clothing could be a sign of nervousness or insecurity.
Actions can speak louder than words.
Active gestures are the more communicative type of gesture that suggests the content of what the speaker is trying to tell you. They are produced intentionally, to intensify or stress meaning — or in the case where language fails you, to give you a clue what they mean. For instance, the other day my neighbour popped his head out of his casa and initiated a conversation about the weather. Now me, not being too familiar with Portuguese words associated with weather, could only understand his meaning by him pointing up at the cloudy sky, frowning and repeating “chuva.” Fantastic, it’s going to rain… But I’ve learnt a new word and understood my neighbour without relying on my native tongue!
It can always seem incredibly tricky to communicate with someone when there is no mutual language. Speech is one facet of communication and, often, the most effective general way we can listen to someone we cannot understand is through the power of observation.
We’ve probably all found ourselves in this position at least once in our lives, but for future reference, if nothing else, keep in mind the words of Robert Baden-Powell:
“If you make listening and observation your occupation, you will gain much more than you can by talk.”
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