The power of saying what you really think

How to give “honest feedback” spot on and why it matters.

I’m in my on-the-job training right now. You probably can imagine fresh graduates who have their first job, plus it is in a big corporation.

If you were me, what do you probably feel for the first six months?

Yes, it is the urge to do everything well. The hunger of doing any tasks designated to me ideally — quick and flawless.

There is one thing that I couldn’t do well — when I feel something doesn’t seem right.

I have been placed in a division called corporate strategy. To put you in the picture, corporation initiatives are analyzed and (often) initiated there. We don’t have business-as-usuals. Generating and discussing ideas is our bread and butter.

One day, It’s a typical day for us, a virtual discussion —due to COVID-19 condition in Indonesia and our company regulation, so we stay at home. We are given to task to prepare one deck containing some strategic programs recapped that should be taken for the company 3 years ahead.

Everything went well, and later my team submitted the “almost-ready” materials to our supervisor.

But then, our supervisor just mentioned what we should be doing after the submission (in a corporation, it is common to have some format for creating materials/slides). He points out what we are missing, and there are several unrequired things on the deck.

That made us, the working team, has to add and delete several things. I have no issue with additional materials. But for “must be deleted” items, it’s inefficient.

It’s not an easy-peasy task to begin with. It requires research, discussion, and agreement (disagreement included).

“Have we know the format from the start, we wouldn’t have to work the unnecessary materials and working for the additional one instead, we might finish the task quicker.”

I wonder, “Should I speak up?” But again, my lips stay sealed.

Long story short, it just left with, “Ah, okay never mind, I just have to do it anyway.” The work was done for the extra hours we spent on that one task.

That is one of many more events of my “know-but-keep silent” moment. When I look back, it is definitely not my supervisor fault. There is no other person at fault, except me, who keep silent about unfit things.

You’ve probably experienced moments like these. Either you think that your viewpoint won’t be supported, you don’t want to get into an unpleasant argument, or you’re wary of being called stubborn.

Maybe you justifying yourself to keep silent by thinking that there will be no other event like this.

Well, I promise you, pal, it won’t be your last time. Things like this will keep going unless you speak. The worst thing is, before you know it, you are already accustomed to it.

Recently, I have been reading Reed Hastings and Erin Meyer Books “No Rules Rules,” chapter 2; they called it candor and explain clearly “how” and “why” to straighten things out.

It is tantamount to being disloyal to the company if you fail to speak up when you disagree with a colleague or have feedback that could be helpful. After all, you could help the business — but you are choosing not to.

It hits hard.

I just realized that one reason I was hired is to contribute through my ideas, and this thing called “idea” has to be said explicitly. So, it is not right to choose the “quiet-and-go” approach.

You hear me right. You are ignoring your problem by not speaking up.

Bear in mind that you also don’t want to be those brilliant jerks. You can use feedback to verbally abuse others for your individual intention. Although you do not intend that thing to happen, things can go south. Therefore, how you’re doing something is essential. So your feedback receiver (boss, friends, or any people you relate with) is not taking it differently.

So here’s how you can give honest feedback well.

The first two are about how you give feedback, and the other two are about how you receive feedback.

You should intend to assist them.

First and foremost, any feedback must be given with positive intent. Doing it out of frustration or having a political intention is not tolerated.

In my case, saying, “The way you lead team discussion is horrible, it wastes our time,” is wrong feedback. The right one would be, “If you can give detailed and complete information regarding the task first, we can be more efficient in allocating our time handling this task and another upcoming task.”

Be as practical as possible about your assistance.

Intention often misleads without proper detailed direction. Here is what you need to clarify your message; it must be actionable.

Focus on what the recipient can do differently. In my case, it’s not “Please consider to provide better leads”; hence “give us with detailed and complete information” is much, much better.

Give your appreciation.

Natural human desire is to provide a defense or excuse when receiving criticism. We all reflexively seek to protect our egos and reputation. Thanking others when you receive feedback is a holy grail to show you appreciate them for giving you the effort to justify the things you probably miss.

Show others that you’re open.

Better show your colleagues that you are okay receiving feedback. In fact, you want it. Brought a “come to me” impression by explicitly pointing out that your opinion is not an unshakeable fact.

By doing so, you can receive a lot of “free” advice from anyone in your organization. On the other hand, your colleagues will also receive guidance from you and other colleagues.

This ideal implementation of honest feedback through the entire organization will trigger an endless positive loop.

I mean, who doesn’t want that kind of ideal environment? where you can grow together by gladly giving and taking lessons from each other.

Broadly speaking, your organization also will have talent superiority which is a significant asset both in the short and long run.

If you are also a first-jobber like me, these aptitudes will help you a lot. Giving honest feedback will help you to think about how to improve the status quo. It will challenge you to do some research and practice your communication.

You would learn a lot about your organization’s condition, sharpening your sensitivity and critical thinking.

Just make sure not to “attack” the organization. Anyone will be annoyed by “know-it-all” newbies who try to shake their comfy organization. You are a new joiner; behave like one.

Well, I hope it helps!