The story behind the start of this.

I was 14 when I was going through the toughest phase of my life as a teenager, where unfortunate events happened at home. I was labeled by my loved ones to be a troublemaker and the biggest burden ever to my parents. I remember the countless days I sat alone at a corner of the room crying, thinking I was a nobody. My self esteem grew worse. It was consuming me little by little as the days went by, and it eventually turned into depression.

I was struggling to find a way to release it, and it led some extreme moments it hurt the people around me when I started showing my feelings to them. Eventually, all I got was a cold shoulder. You know how sometimes, some people have so many things in their mind, that they are not able to express it out vocally, but they just need express it in some form of manner?

Throughout the years of high school, I decided to occupy my time to forget all the problems I had by picking up sports, netball, story writing, blogging, graphic designing and coding. I practiced day by day to improve my long distance running and netball skills. I collaborated with my friend to write fan fictions online and wrote some myself. I started to blog a lot about life back then just to pour out everything that was on my mind.

I was intrigued to do graphic designing and eventually learnt how to do a great design in just a year, that I eventually got requested by my favourite online graphic designer to collaborate with her to open a website together and do poster requests from people all around the world. I also decided to learn to do HTML coding for websites, which all in all, helped me to build my own customized blog and website.

Thinking back, it was really the phase of life that I realized about my capability as an individual to learn things quickly and be able to do good at them, but my self esteem still remained as low as it was.

When I entered university, I slowly put all these on hold, when I joined a leadership organization to build myself as an individual, to be more outspoken and confident about myself. I spent three years transforming from being a member and volunteer, up till the President, and I can’t deny I have learnt so much about myself and the reality of the world and people. Through my position, I also got to travel to different countries for different purposes which ignited my passion for adventure.

This experience taught me to choose not to be victim of life but a contributor to the well being of myself and others, because let’s face it, everyone has their own battles and some can be just worse than what we can imagine. But I also won’t deny that I have had bad moments in my university life, where I completely lost myself as a person, where from the introvert I am, I decide to be more extrovert, dominant, and sometimes hostile, and trust me, it is not a good feeling at all. I was unhappy as I went higher and higher. What happened has happened, and the journey was nevertheless a great learning for me as I understood myself better.

Retiring as the President of the organization and currently on my internship as a Chemical Engineer, I feel I can finally take a breather to do more things that makes me happy, but I am in fact quite lost on what I can really do to make me feel contented. I want to be who I really am.

I aim to start by doing things I used to love and I believe I still do now; Writing, adventure, volunteering and travelling, which comes back to the purpose of this blog. This will be a space for me to write about my experiences throughout my life, where they compose of both the little and big things that makes life fulfilling. A place for me to put to words all those moments, imaginations and thoughts which are jumbling in my mind, and to the very least I hope it can inspire someone else to a better version of his or her self.

Stay tuned!

Originally published at alifeworthreminiscing.wordpress.com on April 27, 2016.

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