You Are Not Your Emotions
It was the last few minutes of my final therapy session. The last thing I expected was to be thrown a Yoda like phrase that I hardly understood. “ Don’t forget, you are not your emotions”. Backtrack a bit please. What?
Most of us believe that an emotional self is the most genuine self: A drunk mind would speak a sober heart. Heated words often betrayed the honest mind. These were the unspoken rules of interaction. Right?
As I’m coming to realise, no, not really. Science also taps us on the shoulder and shakes their head, “no”.
Heated words only show a person who is feeling angry. A drunken mind is simply inebriated by a depressant, activating a active chemical process to literally change who they are. All of us experience happiness, sadness, fear, boredom and peace. We’re all multidimensional. To reduce human complexity to one component and claim that that is their most genuine self would be a gross oversimplification. They are not their emotion, and neither are you.
So why box yourself to believe that fear, grief, anger, sadness and shame is all that you are? Those emotions may feel numbing and overwhelming, but they are not your identity.
“ You are not your emotions”, means to recognise that how you feel doesn’t define you. You are not hurt, happy or upset. Instead, you feel hurt, happy or hurt. You can feel weak but that doesn’t mean you are weak. Your feelings will come and go like the waves. Let them and remember that none of them define you.
“ You are not your emotions” also means to know that emotions are reactions to protect or connect you. They’re mostly determined by biology or past experiences. You cannot expect to choose and control what is essentially not yours to control. There’s not need to judge or label yourself.
Finally, “ You are not your emotions” is a statement that what you feel can surprise or confused. Yet, keep in mind a fundamental difference: You may not be able to choose your reaction but you’ll always choose how you respond. You are not a slave to how you feel and how you feel doesn’t dictate how it has to be. Take charge by asking yourself what can you do and taking responsibility of this.
