Most Singaporeans do not discuss Personal Matters with their Family

We recently conducted a study designed to provide an update on Singapore’s current mental health landscape. Our anonymous platform gave 415 Singaporeans a safe space to voice their unfiltered opinions on the nation’s mental health environment, as well as their own mental health. Part of our results paints a familiar picture: an overstretched public mental health system, perceived insufficiencies in mental health services, a challenging balance between service availability and affordability, and a popular sentiment that government engagement on mental health issues is lacking.

Family as Confidants: A missed Opportunity?

One surprising outcome of the study was the discovery that only 16% of respondents felt comfortable enough opening up about their mental health to their family, such that they did not feel the need to seek out a mental health professional instead.

The reluctance to confide in family members largely stems from stigma that still lingers around mental health issues. Specifically, the inability to cope with one’s own mental health alone was seen as a sign of weakness by one third of participants, and up to half of the older generations. This was reflected in the comments that participants gave to explain their preference:

“My family judges me for being weak on a daily basis. I intentionally avoid them so I can avoid criticism too”.

It is no wonder that individuals prefer to seek support from people (such as mental health professionals) that are less likely to pass judgment, or even judge at all.

Friends versus Professionals: A Preference for Expertise?

The pattern did not change much when it came to friends. Although a slightly higher percentage preferred to talk to their friends over a mental health professional, a considerable portion remained unsure. This finding was puzzling at first, as a majority (72%) also reported reaching out to their social circle for support, when they experienced low moods.

This raises a fundamental question:

Why do Singaporeans prefer confiding in a professional rather than their closest friends and family, when a vast majority report reaching out to their friends for support?

It is possible that people prefer mental health professionals, as they are much better equipped to help with mental health problems. While friends and family offer a listening ear, sometimes we crave concrete solutions and professional guidance. We tested this explanation: Indeed, one third of respondents saw no point in talking to their friends about their problems, as they felt that their friends were not equipped to help. But the majority do not see it this way.

Uneasiness Discussing Mental Health

A closer look at the comments painted a different picture. More than fear of judgment, participants expressed uncertainty about how to approach their friends about serious issues, and feared becoming a burden to them. As one participant aptly put:

‘Logically I know that we need our support system to work through our problems, but I still can’t shake off the idea of solving my own problems independently’.

This sentiment is likely rooted in the Asian cultural norm of valuing self-reliance and avoiding placing emotional burdens on others. These perceived obstacles make opening up to friends and family, especially about mental health, challenging. As a result, turning to a mental health professional seems a lot less daunting.

The Power of a Support Network

On one hand — this is good news. Rather than seeing mental health care as something only severely mentally ill individuals require, open attitudes towards receiving professional help demonstrates a decrease in such stigma. On the other hand, even professionals will emphasize the importance of having a strong support network. Numerous studies have underscored the pivotal role of a support system in maintaining our mental well-being. Learning how to ask for help, especially regarding topics we find difficult to open up about, becomes essential. It’s important to remember that we are not alone. Taking the courageous step of opening up to our friends and family about our struggles with depression not only allows for authentic conversations but also creates an environment where they might feel more comfortable discussing their own mental health. By initiating vulnerability, we encourage a cycle of mutual support and understanding.

How do we ask for help?

Don’t overthink it — here are some simple steps to asking for help.

1. Who can you speak to: Start by identifying trusted individuals in your social circle to discuss your mental health concerns.
2. Overcome the Stigma: Understand that seeking help is neither an inconvenience nor a burden. It’s a step towards healing.
3. Don’t Fear Burdening Others: Realise that offering help often brings joy and boosts well-being for all involved. Your request for help may be the opportunity someone else needs to feel fulfilled.
4. Embrace Vulnerability: Being open about your struggles can deepen connections, strengthen relationships, and serve as a reminder that no one is alone in their struggles.
5. Reach Out: Asking for help should not be seen as a sign of weakness, but rather a demonstration of strength. So, don’t let fear or stigma deter you.