Domestic Abuse…
You were probably expecting a story on a battered female right? Well not today. I want to shed some light on a side of domestic abuse that usually gets turned to a blind eye or is looked at as a joke, the male victims of domestic abuse. Male victims of abuse do exist, albeit a smaller percentage compared to female victims. We always hear about female victims but almost never hear about the male victims. Ten percent of males experience some sort of domestic abuse by their partner. This only accounts for the US, I can only imagine the percentages globally. Male on female, female on male, abuse is abuse regardless of the genders.
There is a story of a brave man that recently came up, who was a victim of domestic abuse. His relationship with his girlfriend started all dandy until the first episode of domestic abuse. After getting drunk one night she got on top of him and started wailing on his face, then preceded to choke him. She later apologized and he let her off the hook, just passing it off like it wasn’t abuse. He didn’t realize he was being a victim of domestic abuse. The cycle of abuse repeated even into their marriage. He finally had enough and broke off the relationship.
Does this story sound familiar? It should, because this is what we always hear when female victims report their domestic abuse. It always follows the same cycle of abuse, forgiveness, and denial.
The poor guy kept denying the thought that he was being abused because society has always pointed abuse to be coming from a man and not the other way around. He kept putting a front up and tolerating the violence to live up to being a “good man”. This story is a good example of the point that I was trying to make earlier, that abuse is abuse regardless of gender, so we should look at all aspects of abuse.
Bell Hooks, a social activist, examines all types of abuse and talks about ending violence as a whole in her work, Feminism is for Everybody.
“ Sexist thinking socializes boys to be ‘killers’…” — Hooks
She argues that we as a society always equate males with violence and aggression because of our sexist thinking. This assignment of violence and aggression reinforces the idea that men are too “macho” to be victims of abuse. This is the reason why we never hear too many stories of male victims. The very thought is almost taboo like in our society because women aren’t the aggressors, men are.
“Men are not the only people who accept, condone, and perpetuate violence, who create a culture of violence.” — Hooks
“In our nation masses of people are concerned about violence but resolutely refuse to link that violence to patriarchal thinking or male domination.” — Hooks
“I urge women to take responsibility for the role women play in condoning violence…” — Hooks
Hooks tells us to really examine the totality of abuse as a whole and see that one particular gender is not responsible for the world of violence and abuse we live in. Everyone is part of the problem because we rely on a sexist view that holds a patriarchal style of thinking.
“We must acknowledge that men and women have together made the United States a culture of violence and must work together to transform and recreate that culture.” — Hooks
She concludes her section on ending violence by stating that since we are all responsible for violence in our society it is our responsibility to look for solutions and reform our society.
Violence and abuse hurts everyone in the long run. Awareness for the types and causes of abuse should be made known more, instead of focusing on a few aspects of it.
