How Moving to LA Set Me Free
I will be honest, the reason I decided to move to LA was for completely vain reasons. I wanted to have a fun college experience with a lot of things available for me to do on my free time and explore the glamorized lifestyle portrayed in media. What I gained from this experience was so much more valuable than I would have ever imagined.
I moved to Los Angeles from a very small town in the central valley of California. It was one of the best decisions I ever made for myself. Before I made this life changing decision, I didn’t know who I was; but I also didn’t notice that I was this lost human being. A docile body in the words of Michale Forcault.
To begin with, there was the scale of the control: it was a question not of treating the body, en masse,‘wholesale’, as if it were an indissociable unity, but of working it ‘retail’, individually; of exercising upon it a subtle coercion, of obtaining holds upon it at the level of the mechanism itself — movements, gestures, attitudes, rapidity: an infinitesimal power over the active body.
I grew up in a very tradition Vietnamese family. My mother stayed home, cooked, cleaned, and took care of me and my older brother. She was to listen to my father who was the head of the household. My older brother was their pride and joy. I was to always be obedient and respectful to him. My father and brother’s thoughts and ideas were always right. I was indirectly taught that they were smarter than I was and will always be more well versed than I on any subject. It was just how it was, the men were the better leaders. I never really questioned this.
I carried this ideology that men were superior over me until very recently.
After I started dating at the age of sixteen, I had a string of long term relationships. My last one ended recently at the age of twenty three. Up until this point, I relied on the ideas and thoughts of my boyfriends. I always asked for permission before I did anything and their views on a subject would become my views on the matter. I would never do anything without seeing what my boyfriend’s opinion on it was. When I would get angry, all they would have to say was that I was being a “typical girl” and I would eventually believe it. Even on things that seriously affected my life!
Because I grew up in very small town with little opportunity to grow as a person, I became this docile body that conformed to the thoughts of these men, who I now believe are not in anyway more intelligent or more well versed than I am. I never realized that I was being controlled by the thoughts of other people because I never once thought that my ideas and views were just as important as theirs.
This is the reason why I’ll always be forever grateful and LA will always have a piece of my heart, no matter where I end up in life. I am figuring out, for the first time, who I really am.
When I first moved to Los Angeles, I was very sad and thought that I may have made a mistake of choosing LA over a local state university. Moving to LA caused a very painful heartbreak with someone who actually pushed me to have my own ideas and thoughts. He wanted me to choose LA. I think he noticed how lost I was before I even did. He wanted me to learn about myself, about other people, and he wanted me to love myself.
I didn’t understand this at first of course. Doing things alone sucked. I moved into a house with complete strangers, went to school alone, went to work alone, ate alone, and slept alone. Although it seemed like the worse thing on the planet at first, it became the biggest growth period in my entire life. For the first time, I started forming my own opinions on matters. I did things the way I felt was the best way to do things. I didn’t have anyone there to be concerned with what their opinion was.
This was only heightened when I started taking culture and gender diversity courses at my university. I was introduced to new ideas and values. And the great part was, I didn’t have anyone there but myself to influence my opinions on the sometimes controversial subjects. This was when I realized how non-opinionated I was up until this point. I never made an effort to think on my own and form my own thoughts. I just always agreed to what my significant other thought and never challenged them.
If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, remember that you have a mind that is as contributing as anyone else. No matter your gender, race, or social class. Go out there and form your own opinions. Inform yourself on important matters. If you want to do something, do it. Never conform to anyone’s thoughts or feelings. Don’t become a docile body. Your mind is just as beautiful and intelligent as the next person’s.
