Give and Take

A revolutionary approach to success

French philosopher and writer Jean-Paul Sartre famously remarked in one of his plays that hell is other people. Sometimes, this is objectively true, but many times, it’s our own mindset that plays tricks on us. The question then becomes, what can we do differently to change the way we view the world, and change our impact on others, so that they have a better impact on us as well? Can you increase your chances of success by giving more? Perhaps by negotiating better? Or maybe by calming your own mental state? When all else fails, sometimes you just need expert psychological assistance to get through it. In any case, we are all in the same lifeboat existing in the workplace with others, so we need to make the best of it. Here is a book to help you along.

According to Grant, there are three types of people in the world: givers, takers and matchers. Pretty much as the names would imply, takers take more than they give, and givers tend to be giving without expectation of reciprocity. Matchers are quid pro quo — they will give and take in equal measures. Then the question is: who has the most success in life and at work? It turns out that, in the short term, the givers can suffer enormously — it’s easy for them to give and for others to take advantage of them. But in the longer term, the givers win out in the end. Adam Grant has a lot of fun in this book following famous and not-so-famous givers and takers and showing how their styles contribute to their success and downfalls. Adam Grant himself is definitely a “giver”. (As one of my guest speakers in the Master of Applied Positive Psychology program, he ran “reciprocity circles” that showed givers do benefit — they create meaningful relationships and they are well-viewed in the workplace). The key is to give without expectation of anything coming back your way. Easy to say, but sometimes hard to do.