The Pussy Fence-sitters Are Right; Also, Elektra’s Revenge Is Out Now!
Not that it matters. You’ll never listen to us. We aren’t even a “thing.” We’re just the people who have noticed that all of your “things” are fucking awful, and always wrong.
And yeah, life is a prison, and everyone needs an ideological prison gang. But someone has to risk getting their ass kicked to keep you shitheads remotely tethered to reality.
When Team A is dumb enough to believe a “good” protest won’t spread viruses like a “bad” one, and Team B is dumb enough to believe that because “they”are lying about one aspect of coronavirus, then the whole thing is imaginary, the only sane thing to do is to be a fence-burning psychopussy.
I fucking told you that lying about and around coronavirus was going to make the basic bitch wannabe skeptics spread the plague like wildfire, and that is exactly what happened. As I flee the LA outbreak into what should be a nice sterile desert, humanity stubbornly follows me, spraying spittle like the walking germ incubators I have always known them to be, still not comprehending how germs work.
And the intellectually lofty people who CLAIM to know how germs work made a logic-free exception for Black Lives Matter, thinking people would either buy it, or be shouted down as racists. Well, you can shout them down. But you can’t stop them DEFIANTLY FLINGING DROOL AT ME. Thanks a lot, would-be elites; you’ve made bodily fluids into a would-be rebel yell. Gross. And deadly. Remind me to kill you when I’m done with them.
And they can’t mind their own business any better than you can, Team A; this week I got bitched at for wearing a mask in the pool by the same obese dumbshits who threw up in the pool the next day, even as they were spraying spittle in my direction, because masks are now part of a government plot against their fat asses, and it comes off as a personal insult that I’m wearing one in their presence. Great! I’ve got you both sticking your noses in where you don’t belong, because Americans can’t fucking ever let anybody be. Since the Internet made everyone think their opinion about politics is important, no one can stand people visibly disagreeing with them. “Oh my god I posted a meme about how stupid masks are, HOW IS THAT WOMAN STILL WEARING A MASK???”
The plague should have been politically neutral. And for a time, it seemed we were all pulling together — till the authorities decided to pretend that sometimes large groups spread Covid, and sometimes they don’t, depending on whether those groups are approved by the morality czars. The vast gulf in sympathy for the two waves of protests — the “bad people” protests and the “good people”protests — led the supporters of the bad people to believe that they were not only getting the shit end of the stick, but that they were being lied to. After the riots began, people stopped saying “stay safe” when I ventured out to get groceries. The sense of camaraderie in a trying time has all but disappeared.
Lying about whose fault it is that we got a slow start in fighting it doesn’t help either; the Orange Man sure as shit is ugly, but NOT EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS HIS FAULT. In fact, much of this shit is on you. Your average American is just smart enough to know they’re being lied to, but not smart enough to parse the lies. How could you not realize that whilst you were lying? You’re all, in your various ways, a bunch of big fat fucking children, my fellow Americans, and the minute the borders are open I am going to get as far away from you as possible.
For now though, I’m stuck with you. We’re sealed in. It’s getting claustrophobic. The grocery store shelves are full of empty spots that grow, never shrink, and now you can’t pay in cash because the Federal Reserve is apparently not functioning. Doesn’t that scare you enough to mend fences and try to get our shit together? Apparently not; the dinosaur media, the nutcases who still believe in Communism after the CCP single-handedly ruined the entire world economy, and the Twitter blue-checks who are still worried about their careers as the ship goes down all gotta keep lying and lying and compulsively lying to protect the avatars of their ideology until even the stupidest “bad people” are insulted.
And you know what? The same dark part of me that always knows how much meat there is on each of my cats is beginning to hope you all kill each other off.
Riot, civil war, breathe on each other, boogaloo your dumb asses to death while I hide in the desert with my army of cats/ Porgs wearing a cat suit (I recently noticed that Stumpler looks like a Porg), whatever your evil little hearts think is a good method for stupiding each other out of existence. There are too many people on this planet anyway. And most people seem to exist for the sole purpose of PREVENTING progress and keeping us ever more hopelessly distant from Alpha Centauri.
I’d say Covid is an engine of eugenics — “you don’t understand germ theory, you don’t survive” — except that it picks on medical and service workers who can’t escape your dumb asses, and it mostly kills people who have already reproduced (or missed their window). And most of the liars who engendered this knee-jerk anti-mask sentiment are smugly ensconced in gated communities, ordering no-contact Grub Hub. So it’s mostly yet another chance for all of you to irritate me. Christ, not even the plague can manage to be meritocratic.
On that note, buy my book! ELEKTRA’S REVENGE is finally available.
If you think there are too many people, or you would like to take a step back and do a thought experiment about how people will express their ludicrous person-ness deep in the future should we survive — if you hate your foodservice job, or if you think you haven’t gotten a fair shot as an actor or in the arts — if you have a single misanthropic bone in your body and you aren’t a pussy, I promise this first special pre-cover-art edition of Elektra’s Revenge will give you WAY more entertainment than the cover price might lead you to suspect.
In other words, despite being nominally a sci-fi dystopia, this 200,000-word monster packs lots of laughs for your buck, a blackpill sitcom par excellence, just like watching all your enemies die. (Or enemincks… god, I wish enough people remembered both Sammy Sosa and Dan Bernstein that I could keep making that joke.) Get the pre-cover-art edition (and yeah, cover art will be added once I pull it together — does anyone know where any of my photos of my dead guinea pigs are?) HERE: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08CSXD5RT
