Dawn Grades the Great American Eclipse
(This post was originally published on a blog that never took off called “Dawn Grades Things” on October 18, 2017)
This post was written the week of the eclipse. It’s publication was delayed. Many apologies.
“A total solar eclipse is unlike anything you’ve seen in your life. As totality approaches, you will see the astonishing sight of day turning to night and the Sun’s corona blazing in the sky. This is truly a great American eclipse because totality will sweep the nation from the Pacific to the Atlantic. Nearly everyone in the US can reach this total solar eclipse within one day’s drive. An eclipse is a cosmic billiard shot — the Sun, Moon, and Earth line up to reveal the Sun’s atmosphere, it’s corona. Eclipses on Earth occur only because of an amazing celestial coincidence.”
“[A total solar eclipse is] a completely unique event. Now of course, I say that, not having seen one, but I’ve talked to lots of colleagues, who’ve seen numerous ones. I’ve talked to many experts. I’ve watched videos, but I know that I still have not experienced the true power of it.”
“The llamas are interested in the eclipse.”
So, the moon blocked out the sun on Monday. A lot of people spent a lot of time in traffic to check it out for themselves. Yours Truly also sacrificed her Monday to the sun and moon, so I was hoping it would be good. You probably all know the basics of an eclipse, but in case you were living under a rock, I’ll put a summary in the sidebar.
In case you were living under a rock:
An eclipse is when something is blocked by something else. This eclipse was when the moon blocked the sun.
Why eclipses?
Why do scientists care about eclipses? It seems that near every area of science is in on the eclipse action. I thought it would only be astronomy, but no. Biologists are studying the animal behavior. Meteorologists study the atmospheric changes associated with the sudden change of temperature. Astronomers are fascinated, too, of course. This was very nearly the perfect eclipse for viewing the solar corona — the atmosphere surrounding the sun. The corona is hard to see. Looking at the sun can cause blindness. Having a telescope that is as sensitive eyes, so it can see the corona can cause telescope blindness. (Yes, that’s a real disease. Raise awareness for disabled telescopes.)
The corona is a lot dimmer than regular sunlight. It is comparable to the light of a full moon.
Therefore, they make artificial eclipses that cover up the sun, and, to protect the little telescopic cornea, some of the area directly surrounding the sun. So. Yeah. It covers up part of what it is literally built to look at. Talk about being set up for failure. The only way to look at the whole corona and none of the sun is to observe eclipses. Because of a freak chance of nature, or possibly something more intentional, the moon is both 400 times smaller than the sun and 400 times closer to earth, making it precisely the size of the sun in the sky. We can see all of the corona with none of the sun.
Enough Tragic Backstory™ let’s get to grading.
Here’s how grading works. I’ll ask 12 questions about every thing I grade. some of the questions overlap. Each question is worth 10 points and the thing is graded out of 100 points.
0–20% This thing did it’s best to actually harm the populace, while failing at it’s purpose in every conceivable way.
11–20% This thing is horrible.
21–30% This thing fails, and is laughable.
31–40% Some people might confuse this thing for something worth their time and money. They will regret thinking that.
41–50% This thing is mediocre at best.
51–60% This thing meets expectations.
61–70% This thing did well
71–80% This thing is pretty dang cool
81–90% This is the best thing!
91–100% Impossible
- Do I like it unironically? 7.8pts — Yes. I do. The traffic was one of the worst evenings of my life. Ever. But that isn’t what this question is for. I got to view the sky turning to a 360 degree sunset for about two minutes (but with wind chill, it was more like fifteen seconds). I got to see a ring of starlight dancing in the sky like a colorless aurora. The beauty of the sky, for a moment, was enough. I loved it.
- Does it do it’s job? 5.5pts — This is where things start to get dicey. Did this eclipse fulfill its purpose? What is an eclipse’s purpose? Perhaps the eclipse’s job is for the moon to eclipse the sun. Done. Mission accomplished. Perhaps it was supposed to give us scientific knowledge. I have a hard time believing that the reason the sun, moon, and earth aligned in the cosmos and cast the moon’s shadow on us rather than in the quiet of space was for our benefit, but I’ll humor it. There were certainly enough people using the moon shadow for that reason. Well, I actually have no knowledge of whether the scientists were successful, but it seems very likely. Good job, science! Was this celestial phenomenon intended to be amusing? This is far and away the most common way it was used, with varying results. I was told that many have spiritual experiences during eclipses. I didn’t. I hope the cosmos aren’t disappointed in me. I’m clearly not the chosen one, dudes.
- Is it useful in it’s sphere? 8pts — Yes.
- Was it created with integrity? 8.5pts — Probably?? I mean, naturally occurring total solar eclipses are the best tool for seeing the corona on the market, by far. The moon and sun are both something I am huge fans of, as I really like not dying on a cold, airless, waterless space rock. The eclipse itself seems pretty well made. I trust the Manufacturer.
- Is it’s value equivalent to the value I exchanged for it? 0pts — No, it isn’t. You want to know the value I exchanged for this thing? Nearly $25 in gas, $5 in eclipse glasses (plus a very hype-y book) and 30 hours away from my home sweet home. Also, 5 hours of sleep because I was driving until 2:30 in the morning, dying the death because no one thinks of 24hr gas stations in Idaho, and I needed a Monster (not a sponsor) in order to not accidentally die on the roads. Also, all of the hotels were, understandably, booked. What value did I get? Wow, that was a cool few seconds, some good pictures, and oops, I blinked. It’s over. I did get to gloat about being the only person who brought a jacket when it got nippy, so, there’s that.
- Does it lack flaws? 5pts — It was way too short for my liking. The shadow of the moon (the umbra, if you will) was going very fast. (While the umbra moved very quickly across the whole country, It moved significantly faster in some areas than others, depending on elevation and whether you are at the ends of the eclipse or the middle. For me, the umbra was moving at 1883 miles per hour. In western Oregon, though, the umbra was moving at 2410mph (Source). End tangent.) For reals, though, five or ten minutes would have been glorious to just take it all in.
- Does it have valuable qualities/features? 8pts — Yeah, it was really cool!
- Does it add value to the creator? 10pts — You know what? Yes. This beautiful eclipse is a tribute to the skillful hand of the Creator. The moon looks precisely the right size in the sky, and it creates a beautiful experience of perspective. Side note. If nothing else, an eclipse shows that somethings can be better based solely on your perspective. Other views of the thing may be just as accurate, and in their own way just as useful. Please keep those views. Take time, though, to look at your life from new and beautiful perspectives. Sometimes we just need to stand in the umbra of awe.
- To the consumer? 7pts — I think my previous answers share my opinion here.
- Does it deserve to be paid for? 4pts — Um, for some people, yes. Definitely. For me, I’d say it was a $10-$15 experience, but with bragging rights, it probably goes up to $40.
- Does it go above and beyond? 4pts — Not really.
- Does it fail? -3pts — In the traffic department, yes. But I’m not bitter.
Let’s see how it adds up:
