There are no good guys in The Princess Bride
The Princess Bride certainly has Protagonists and Antagonists. It also has villains, but no heroes. Let’s look at the characters and their crimes:
Let’s start with low-hanging fruit, the Antagonists:
Dread Pirate Roberts — Meaning, of course Ryan, and the train of pirates who sail under that name. We’ll get to Wesley later. They are robbers and they kill people.
Count Rugen — He tortures people regularly
Prince Humperdinck — He plans Buttercup’s murder so he can start a war.
The Albino — He is an accessory to murder and torture.
Yellin — The Captain of the guard. There are two ways to see him. Either he is ignorant of the sins of the Prince, or he is aware of the Prince’s unfitness as a ruler, and does nothing. Either way, he is most definitely a coward, because he was not willing to sacrifice his life for his post. (I believe he could have secured the castle better by keeping the key INSIDE the castle, but that’s neither here nor there.) I’ll grant that the solid evidence for him being of bad character is scant, but a hero he is not.
Vizzini — Obnoxiously pompous. Willing to kill for money.
Now the Protagonists:
Inigo Montoya — Kills people for money.
Fezzik — Kills people for acceptance from Vizzini.
Wesley — Throughout all of his screen time I can find nothing wrong with him, but that doesn’t mean he is without spot. To have become the Dread Pirate Roberts, he must have convinced an entire crew that he is the pirate that never leaves prisoners alive. It is unlikely he could have done this without murdering or at least robbing people. He also beat Inigo in a duel, having only been training for five years, most likely. He likely learned these skills on-the-job as a pirate. He later offers Inigo a job as the Dread Pirate, showing that he has no problem with the profession. While I cannot definitively prove that he has murdered and killed anyone, he almost certainly did. His shady moral standing is, I think further supported in the book. (On a side note, his devotion to a girl who was super demeaning to him isn’t admirable at all.)
Buttercup — She accepts all this without question. She has no problem with Roberts’ career of murder, as long as he isn’t guilty of the one murder that broke her heart, and as long as he’s that hot farm boy.
Perhaps you think that’s all? Consider the Side Characters:
King Lotharon — Was he senile or did he have no problem with suicide?
Queen Bella — Seemingly in her right mind, but lets her hasty, angry son be acting king?
Miracle Max — Not evil, just vengeful.
Valerie -There is nothing wrong with Valerie. Valerie saved Wesley's life. Valerie broke her promise to save the day. She is the true hero.
THE ONLY GOOD GUY IS VALERIE
VALERIE IS THE REAL PRINCESS BRIDE
THREE CHEERS FOR THE REAL MVP
VALERIE!!
