Behaviors That Keep Us Trapped
How to stop sabotaging yourself without realizing it
For years, I couldn’t figure out what it was. The only fathomable conclusion that I could draw for my mediocre life was that something wasn’t right. At long last, I had a sobering realization — it was me. It didn’t take much for me to get lost, but it took hard work and honest introspection to find my way to the right path.
Self Sabotage in this area doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re deliberately holding yourself back. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. It’s a series of thought patterns that have caused self destructive behavior — leading to you getting stuck.
Pick a direction
Ever had several choices and still felt like you had a lack of options? I’ve been there. That’s because you’ve more than likely overcomplicated a decision that you need to make.
A big problem that I had was chasing everything that I wanted all at once. I wanted to make more money, work from home, and become a full time writer. While all of these can be done, I had decide on which one is the most important to me, and then go after it. From there, I had to come up with a plan on how I would pursue each of these goals individually.
I had to pursue each of these things in the right order. Chasing your long term goals and short term goals at the same time will drive. you. crazy.
There are few things more foolish than running after everything at once. You’ll end up with empty hands, as I did for a long time.
Taking Shortcuts
When I filled out a job application or, when I was in pursuit of something, I often found myself thinking about the easiest way to get what I wanted. Reality Check: Things ain’t always easy, especially when it is something that requires a substantial time investment.
When we’re constantly operating from a position of wanting to be comfortable or make things easy , we begin to make a series of small, lazy decisions that don’t help us to grow..
For example, if you’re trying to get a job that would be a dream come true for you, go all out. Don’t just blindly hit the apply button. Literally millions of others are doing that same thing.
How can you stand out? Why are you special? Special people do what others are unwilling to do. They tailor their cover letter for that position. They are reaching out to people in the organization that might be able to help. It’s all in the little things.
Complaining
This was probably my biggest problem. Complaining only reinforces a negative, victim mentality. When I dealt with a negative experience or had to endure at setback, my mind would always ask a famous, two word question: “Why me?”
Looking back, I get ashamed of myself for allowing myself to adopt this attitude. What I learned after many years was that complaining about my situation just kept the lock on the door of my potential.
I couldn’t think clearly enough to become solution oriented instead of problem oriented.
When you brainstorm about solutions, problems no longer seem as insurmountable as they once did. Dwelling on problems makes them get even larger in our own minds.
Sadly, it took me forever to figure this out. I had to learn to shut my mouth and continue to see the best in my life in order to go to the next level. Complaining about what’s happened to us saps us of the strength that we all need to build our lives into what we want them to be.
Rehearsing the Past
The regrets that we feel can be such a powerful force. Sometimes it can feel as if they are screaming in your face, making you terrified to go on with your life.
We learn a great deal from our past. We can build on our failures. Living in them however, is a different matter.
Replaying an event that happened in third grade will keep you in the third grade. With this mindset, it is impossible to reach the heights that you deserve.
To heal and to truly to be free, we all have to accept the past for what it is — history.
Self Doubt
Doubting ourselves can seem like subtle illness. It sneaks in quietly, and the next thing you know, you’re in the hospital clinging to life: Doesn’t it seem like the moment that you have an idea about something, the fear comes in the door right alongside it?
What are we to do with these feelings?
We live with them, and choose to live in spite of them.
I wish I could tell you that self doubt goes away. I’d be a liar if I did. However, each time you decide to pursue your ideas with that doubt screaming in your ear, it’s voice suddenly becomes a faint whisper.
Ungratefulness
As we grind about our daily lives, it’s so easy to be consumed with the things that we wish we had instead of being grateful for the things that are already in our possession.
Sometimes, it can be as simple as being glad that you’re not the person that you used to be six months ago. Or it could even be as simple as having a dream that you believe in. It’s amazing the amount of people who don’t even have this.
This alone should be seen as a gift because a lot of people simply exist instead of have purpose or meaning in their lives. There is a big difference between the two.
I was a big complainer. Every setback that I encountered was stonewall me for months on end. I had no direction or purpose behind any of my actions, and every decision I made was often agonizing and usually ended up being the wrong one anyway.
Being ungrateful hinders you from what you want because you only see what you don’t have. Being ungrateful makes us jealous of others who have what we only wish we could possess instead of using our heads to create solutions.
If you’re honest, take inventory of your life as it stands right now make a list.
In one column list everything that you wish you have. Maybe these are accomplishments you wish you would’ve achieved by now, maybe it is a matter of money you wish you had, or maybe you wish you feel better when you look in the mirror. In a separate column, take note of all the good things that have happened to you.
It doesn’t matter how small.
If you found five bucks in your pocket before you put your pants in the laundry, put that on the list. If you finally narrowed your life down to what you want to do with it, put that on the list as well. Small things become big things over time.
No, my life isn’t perfect. It’s just better than what it used to be, and I smile about that thought.
Have the courage to move
Easily one of the greatest injustice is that we do to ourselves is simply doing nothing when it is our time to act.
Having the courage to act on your ideas, great or small, is like laying the bricks for the foundation for the rest of your life. Staying stuck is entirely by choice.
Yes, bad things happen to us. We suffer injustices. We lose jobs and have cars repossessed. Friends fall away for no reason at all.
However, letting these things stop us from living the lives that we know we should be living is entirely on us. Creating the life you want it’s all about responsibility and sense of pride and belief that you deserve it — because you do.
Do yourself a great favor, let go of the past. It is what it is. Stop doubting yourself. Don’t complain when things go wrong, because setbacks are inevitable along the way.
Don’t take shortcuts, because you’re going to go in circles.
Work hard to get what you want, there’s no way around it . Along with all the moments that you can’t stop thinking about how stuck you feel, remember you’re the one holding the keys to your chains.
Take them off.
