Be A Little Selfish
SELF love is the BEST love
“He’d give you the shirt of his back. She would open her home to anyone.” Has anyone every used phrases like these to describe you? Better question: Does it offer you a sense of pride that eventually leaves you feeling empty and angry?
In order to get what we want out of our lives and feel fulfilled, we sometimes have to be a little bit selfish.
I totally understand the feeling that you want to be there for other people and be good to others, but in the end you feel like you’ve got absolutely nothing to show for it. Times like these make us hearken back to our childhood where we were taught to be kind to others, this should still be true for us. Many of us start having problems when we begin to take this lesson too far. As a result, we’ve poured out most of ourselves to lift everyone else up, but you’re still looking up from the bottom of the well.
All of this, I believe, is rooted in people pleasing and not wanting to seem like a you are a selfish person.
Get Things In Order
Let’s be clear, putting yourself first does not mean that you totally blow off your fellow man in times of great need. It means that you are able to effectively set limits as so you don’t end up becoming the one who is in need. You’re not being selfish, you’re being wise. How can you look out for other people if you don’t have your own life in order?
It can’t be done.
If you don’t have experience doing this, start small. The next time someone comes to you for money, stop and think for a moment before you dig down into your pockets. Have you paid your bills first? Did you put away all the money that you wanted to save for a rainy day? If after you’ve accomplished these things, you can loan out some money if you have anything extra leftover. You cannot give form a place where you’re lacking in. If you don’t have it, then you don’t have it. Plain and simple.
Take time for you
“Can’t you do it for me just one more time?” Is the question that is people who are quite good at wasting your time often ask. It’s time to not cave in to their annoying demands, and give them a solid no.
It’s a bad feeling to look up at the calendar and see that an entire month has gone by without you having accomplished a single thing that you wanted to to for yourself.
Why is it that we put ourselves way down the priority list? Is it our upbringing? Lack of confidence? Or is it that we have a narcissistic hero complex that makes us believe that we can truly be there for everyone?
Whatever the answer is, I’ve learned the hard way that this way of living is not sustainable for healthy future.
Put down the phone, and close the laptop. Those emails are not that urgent (all the time) and the building will not burn down without your presence if you need to take a day off.
Go for a walk to clear your mind, take up a new hobby, or just simply go outside and enjoy the (hopefully) fresh air. It’s nice to take the time to not do things for other people and solve the world’s problems every waking moment.
Taking time to care for yourself is essential for you to recharge and be the best version of yourself.
Ignore The Guilt
When you begin to take control and live your life on your terms, you’re going to hear chatter about “how much you’ve changed, and how you only care about yourself.”
So What?
It’s going to be difficult, but you have to ignore the temptation to give in to this. People are going to have to adjust to your new lifestyle. It’s one thing to be a giving, generous person by nature. But to be guilted into being this type of person is another matter. Don’t fall for it!
Your Mental and Physical Health Matter
Here are two areas of your life where outside factors can have the greatest influence, but what is inside of you that has the power to change. No matter what you have have been led to believe, caring for your physical and mental well being does not make you a selfish person. It makes you a smart one.
To be the best, whole version of yourself, making sure that your mind and body are taken care of should be a high priority on your list.
Think about all of the toxic areas of your life that aren’t bringing you joy, fulfillment, or peace. This could be friends, or even family, but you’ve got to eliminate the things in your life that do not allow you to be at your best.
I made the choice to do this when I found myself having anxiety attacks when I was near certain people or situations. That kind of life gets old, particularly when you are expected to carry on every day like nothing’s wrong.
If you feel yourself experiencing things like this, I urge you to get the help that you need and get things under control. Never let anyone make you feel foolish for needing to take a step back.
Our society has raised us with a toxic, suck it up mentality that has a lot of us burned out and overwhelmed. We put in long hours at work and even more at home, and we look up and wonder what’s left for ourselves. If we don’t shake the notion of selfcare being selfish, we will continue to be a society of unhappy drones.
We have one life. Be kind to others and be there for people as much as you’re able.
It’s okay to be your own hero sometimes.
You can save everyone else later.
