Stop me if this sounds familiar: You went to college, took out loans that you (probably forgot) you will have to eventually pay back. Then you changed your major a few times because, after all, this is the REST OF YOUR LIFE that you’re trying to have sorted out before your 22nd birthday, so there’s definitely no room for mistakes (or so we believe). Fast forward to about 4 months after your graduation day where you’re sitting at home thinking about how you still haven’t found a job in your degree field. You need this to happen because all of those years (and debt) will have been pointless if you don’t use it. But, your rent is still due on the first of the month. SUCKS, huh?
I say all that to point out that I have been there, heck I still am. For the longest time, I wrestled with bouts of frustration because I often found myself waking in the middle of the night thinking: “When is it going to come together?” It hasn’t been until recently that I have made peace with the fact that we will in all likelihood spend our lives adjusting and readjusting to the things that adult life sends at us. In my case, I had spectacularly unrealistic expectations.
I had never seriously job shopped before outside of jobs that required non-slipped shoes. I had zero connections because my networking skills were non-existent, and I had decided against pursuing an internship during my time of studies. I say all this to make the point that I had made a series of small decisions that would end up having an impact on me later.
What no one tells us is that college is a very small sample size of what one can expect in the real world. It is a controlled environment in which our exposure to setbacks, discomfort, and failure condition our thinking to unrealistic expectations of both ourselves and the real world. An example of this would be that we are told upon entry into college that we need to find a major that will prepare us for the rest of our lives. From the ages of 17–21, we’re still trying to establish ourselves as individuals outside of the nest of our parents, and we’re being asked to figure something out that could affect us (and our happiness) for the next 40 years?
Then, there’s the social media aspect of the situation. You know, everyone we know providing us with updates on how spectacular their lives are. Trips to Dubai, buying a new car and simply living it up. It’d very easy to catch yourself comparing your life to everyone else. Not to mention the myriad of mental health issues that often come as a by-product of these situations.
Why do I bring all this up? It’s simple, really. I just wanted to tell you that it’s ok. I’m in debt, I still have NO IDEA what I want to do with my life, marriage hasn’t always been easy, and I’ve gotten fired from 2 different jobs in the past year. Why have things gone this way? Well, partially because of my own bad decisions and immaturity. The other part is because I had not learned the lesson that life had been trying to tell me, which is that things don’t go the way that we expect most times. It is what it is. The key is how we handle it.
Do you wonder “why me” — like I had the habit of doing? Or do you persevere in spite of what you’re dealing with? Don’t get me wrong, there are cases where you need some time to lick your wounds a little. Don’t stay in that place.
One can easily look up and three years will have gone by, and nothing has changed. If you stay in the mindset of wondering why instead of dusting yourself off and willing yourself to change your circumstances you’ll always have a hard time playing the cards that you’ve been dealt.
If you’re in debt, out of a job, or just aren’t sure of what direction to take, this isn’t the time to feel bad. Think of yourself as an empty canvass, you can paint whatever picture that you would like. It may seem silly at first, but write your plan out and hold yourself accountable to it. Take small steps toward your goal each day, in whatever way that you can. You’ll get there, and it will all work out. Make no mistake, you WILL encounter failure, heartbreak, and setbacks along the way. Take it in stride, figure out where things went sideways and keep going. Embrace your failures. They’re designed to push you toward being the best version of yourself.
When failure comes, roll with it.
When something goes wrong, it is not a reflection of who you are as a person and where you will ultimately end up in life. Find out where you took a wrong turn, change course and get going again. Free yourself from the opinions of other people. This is a form of bondage. This is not to say that others do not matter in the grand scheme of your life, but if you are surrounded by people that do not support your vision, go the other way. Leave them where they are. You are not a failure, and you weren’t designed for a mediocre life. If you haven’t figured it out yet or, if you have been unable to get yourself together, that’s okay. Keep looking for success, because it’s looking for you too.
