Dear Chase Bank,
Citibike is rolling through New York as the go-to mode of transportation for commuters and cruisers alike. I’m sure as a large bank it boils your blood that the Citibank bike sharing system is being hailed as the summer savior from the subway. I've got a way you can compete and I can sum it up with two words: Chase Horse.
Picture this: A fleet of sturdy, well-bred, horses tethered to hitching posts that consume every corner of New York City. Men, women, and children paying a farm hand with five dollars in cash and getting to pick the equine that is right for them. A pregnant woman on her way to a check up sticks her foot into a stirrup and climbs onto a seven foot horse for the first time. A wall street exec in a silk suit smiles at the feeling of the fine, leather saddle under his buttocks. An elderly woman in her nightgown on her way to the market screams “Hiya!” as she digs her slippered heels into the ribs of a 1,000 pound thoroughbred. A nine year old boy clinches the reigns and shrieks with delight as he’s overwhelmed by the sensation of this majestic animal galloping at 50 miles per hour toward the East River.
You may be asking yourself, “Isn't it dangerous to ride a horse without any experience?” I would argue that it’s no more dangerous than the naive, helmet-less Citibike riders that are currently wobbling through the streets. You also may be wondering how you would supply the city with horses. It’s very simple. You would build a 20 acre warehouse in upstate New York known as the Public Horse System Company (PHSC) where you would breed horses specifically for the purpose of riding and sharing in the metropolitan area. Right about now you’re thinking, “I’m a bank and I care a lot about money.” Well, in addition to providing New Yorkers and tourists with the thrill of horse riding, there are tremendous financial opportunities. You’ll receive profits from the horse share program itself, but also from the shares you’ll own in PHSC. Every horse will be branded with the Chase logo, which will keep your bank top of mind for consumers and help you earn new customers. So, what’s going to save all those suckers sweating on Citibikes? Chase Horse, of course.
I know you’re not going to say neigh to this brilliant horse sharing system. Full disclosure, I want you to be aware that I’m currently pitching another transportation idea to Bank of America called Bank of Dolphins. However, this idea would not conflict with Chase Horse as it’s only for those who prefer to travel by water. I look forward to saddling up with you toward the money-soaked sunset. Giddy up!