Enough About You, Let’s Talk About Me

Dear friends and family,

I’m sure you’ve noticed I’ve been distant, rude, and pessimistic lately. I wanted to let you know that it’s your fault. You have not been paying enough attention to me or constantly reminding me of how great I am.

I need chronic attention and love. They are vital to my happiness and behavior. I do not feel validated as a human being unless I’m showered, nearly drowned, with exaggerated accolades. Even though you have failed at your responsibility to make me feel good about myself, I’ve come up with a way that you can make it up to me. I’ve typed up a letter that expresses how you feel about me. For your convenience, I’ve included blank spaces where you can add your own personal modifiers to emphasize how you feel about me. Think of it as Mad Libs, but focused on fulfilling my needs. Once you’re done, you’ll need to sign the letter and send it back to me in the mail. Upon reading the letter from you that I wrote I will know that I am unequivocally appreciated and we can move forward with our relationship. If you decide not to sign and send the letter then I’ll be forced to assume that you are a selfish, calculated, and childish individual who only cares about their own needs. Please send the letter below as soon as possible if you care about remaining close to someone as special as me.

Yours Truly,

Devon Aha