Words Matter: 10 Tips for Smoother Communication in Tech (Part I)
At Yousign, we ship value to our users with 100+ staff dedicated to Engineering and Product. Orchestrating this team of course requires a lot of live and async communication. The best performing projects are those where inter-teams communication is constant and smooth.
I’ve seen that this applies to individuals, too. Our best performing ICs and Managers are also great at inter-personal communication. This is a topic dear to my heart because great communication creates harmony. Along my journey in Tech, I collected a series of principles that I try to live by and infuse in our teams. A lot of this is common sense and empathy. Many will do this instinctively. But it never hurts to be explicit, so here’s a little two-parts field manual for smoother communication. Disclaimer: contains a funny cocktail of non-violent communication, neuro linguistic programming, and other tasty stuff.
1. Make ideas orphan
When discussing a proposal, avoid words such as “Her idea” / “My idea” / “Your idea”. The risk is that when the idea gets discarded, its parent might feel hurt (”his idea is bad” ⇒ “he is wrong”). It sucks, but people sometimes defend an idea only because it’s theirs.
To avoid this, plant ideas as orphan objects not linked to anyone (”Option 1” / “Option 2”). And of course, cultivate a culture of “no such thing as a bad idea” to foster collective intelligence.
On a related note, people will best follow your ideas if they believe they’re theirs. Relinquish ownership in favour of adoption.
2. Don’t use You
In French we say “Le Tu tue”, meaning “Using You kills”. Refrain from making statements about interlocutors, and express your own feelings instead. Don’t finger-point. Prefer “I’m not sure I understand the message” over “Your message is unclear”.
I actively avoid “you vs me” patterns in conversations. Instead, I strive to use “we” to insist on the fact we’re working as a team. For example when someone asks for help I’ll say “what are we trying to achieve here?”.
3. Seek commonalities before issues
Before challenging a proposal, first highlight common ground. This will be a reminder that you are agreeing on some things at least. This in turn sets a more positive scene for friendly confrontation.
When I wholly disagree with someone, I start by restating the objectives we’re both pursuing. Like “I agree with you that we need to achieve these objectives (…)”. Then only will I expose my challenge.
It’s also a way to check if you’re in tune about objectives. Prevent debating solutions by first ensuring you’re solving the same problem.
4. Switch from But to And
Try to complement and evolve ideas rather than opposing them. This will switch the mood from confrontation to co-creation. Bonus points if you’re solution-oriented. For example, if you see obstacle B for idea A, say: “A is great, and if obstacle B arises, we could try adding C, isn’t it?”. Much better than “I see the point of A, but have you thought about obstacle B?”.
5. Assume good intent
As organisations grow, responsibilities get spread across teams. This forces us to let go of control and not follow every single decision made. As a consequence, you may sometimes question why some teams took an approach you disagree with. In these moments, it’s key to assume good intent by default. All teams are trying to push the company in the right direction. If they took that decision, it’s likely because they have got context that you are currently unaware of.
Thanks for reading up until this point. If you enjoyed it, here is Part II of this post. And if these tips align with your own mindset, come and join the team at Yousign.
