Maa

You weren’t a doctor but thanks for healing my wounds.
You weren’t a counsellor but thanks for knowing the reason behind my tears.
You weren’t a singer but thanks for singing just to put me to sleep.
You weren’t an angel - but mom!
That deep cut on my knee, that deadly fever, that irking cough, those head breaking maths problem….
One solution - Maa!
I yelled at you a thousand times seeing you adding an extra spoon of butter in my lunch box and smiling yourself like I didn’t knew it.
But now I don’t mind gaining those extra calories just to see you smile.
I have lost my sleep,
I remember your turmeric milk every night.
I’m losing my hair,
I remember your handmade herbal mix.
Sorry for wasting all your almonds,
In remembering unwanted things.
You gave me hugs,
I gave you lies.
Time changes,
Not your love!

You’ve always been accepting me for what I am, be it good or bad. Now I will start accepting myself for what you want me to be. You brimmed my soul with love and care, but I left your heart glum and bare. You filled my life with all nice things , but I filled yours with worries and cries. I never meant to insult you but my anger did. I never meant to be rude but my words did. Instead of giving you the asset of a great life as a parent, I gave you the liability by being a stubborn daughter. You came to heal me with a balm, but I retaliated and lost my calm. I meant to give you happy memories, but I gave you dreadful nightmares. I aimed to give you sweet moments, but ended up giving you frightening thoughts. I’ve come to the realization that the time I spend with you has become so minimal – in some cases even non existent.

Nowadays I’m busy hanging out with my friends, studying, working, or just chilling in my room watching Netflix. Being in college and so distant from home, I seem to have forgotten about the people who have gotten me to where I am today. I’ve especially forgotten about the one person who has shaped me into the person I’ve become — you.

Through all my teenage years, I know I was a handful. I made your life more stressful than it should have been. But I want you to know that all of the backtalk and all of the sass was a mistake. I should have treated you more better. You don’t deserve the hell I have put you with. I am sorry for all the times I was madly stubborn. I should have listened to you when you told me that I shouldn’t do something because in the end you were always right and I was always wrong – usually. I should have been grateful and realized that you care so much about me — enough to want to make sure that I am safe at all times. I should have realized that you are the only one who will be by my side until the day I die and you should always come before everyone and everything else.I am sorry for all the times I didn’t do what you told me to do right when you told me to do it. I should have immediately done everything you ask me to do because now I know that when you said “now” you said it for a reason. I should have tried harder because I know that you just want what’s best for me. I am sorry for all of the times I fought with you. I should have just shut my mouth. I never meant to start a fight with you when you told me I couldn’t go out because you wanted to spend some quality time together. I am sorry for all the times I uttered those dreaded three words — “I hate you.” I never even meant it. I was just mad at you for being right. I’m sorry that I have not said “thank you” and “I love you” enough. Thank you for inspiring me to be the woman I am today. I love you Maa!

"Isn’t that too sad to accept that
I lost you somewhere between you switching off my fan to wake me up to now switching off my WiFi to make me sleep?"