The fourth day lasts forever..!
by Sarfaraz Merchant
Fate will bring you before someone, completely unexpected, just perfect in your mind, yet will only let you exist as strangers, at least in this lifetime …….
I have to be candid before I begin, this account is a blend of reality infused with wishful thinking.
I can’t start at the top, cause until I do not explain how it feels now, that beginning might just be a little detached for anyone who’s reading this soliloquy.
I’ve never met her, never spoken to her, she doesn’t and probably won’t ever know that I exist!
But as they say, ‘If you’re looking for trouble, you’re probably going to find it!’
I wasn’t looking at all, still am not, though my family is in a constant search for my trouble-to-be!
Day — 2: I really didn’t realise what it was at first, not until I spoke about it with my closest mate, but even before that I tried making sense of it. Thinking out loud, while my mind began spinning a million scenarios, I kept staring into the screen of my phone. As the dimly lit pixels stared back, it hit me that there was very little I could do as I was helplessly falling for a girl, whom I knew nothing about. Nothing, except for her name, her vocation and some of her thoughts (posted on social media). She seems outspoken, I have no doubt she is exactly the same in-person too.
I can’t explain the whys & hows, even if I tried, but if I had to put my finger to it, undoubtedly, would be the words she strung together, her opinions emboldened with a voice that I thought to have only imagined.
It starts with a predictable, “So…… there’s this girl!”; and then I try to look for words to sheepishly confess my feelings about this girl. But my friend, an intuitive brat that she is, understands almost instantly.
Day — 3: It’s only an admission, if I believe it to be true. Out of habit, I disagree constantly, argue perpetually and bicker endlessly. Thus sinking into this reality was new to me! That’s when I found myself further intrigued to know more about her, even if to debate with myself.
Disclosure: I do not have the deranged-obsessive-serial-killer tendencies portrayed by Penn Badgley’s character Joe Goldberg in the Netflix-series — ‘You’, in fact I find more resemblance to Dan Humphrey (played by Penn again) from Gossip Girl. He loved within boundaries, from afar. On this day, I confined myself to feel without expectations, under the shadow of utter hopelessness.
Day — 1: Until it doesn’t affect you or the ones you love, politics and protests are someone else’s problems. Until then it’s all just fodder for conversations. Amidst chaos, inconvenience, adrenaline-fueled slogans, goosebumps and emotions; you’d hardly recognize your own reflection, let alone notice a stranger amongst the countless faces.
There was no epiphanic moment when I noticed her, nope, nothing so dramatic or romantic. It was just a placard. My fateful ‘Girl With The Yellow Umbrella’ moment from HIMYM (you might need to Google this reference, if you haven’t watched the show). She was just another protester holding up a zany message on a placard.
Day — 4: In life, there won’t always be a happily ever after. Those who find their rendition of it, may or may not know how blessed they really are. For some, discovering love or whatever they’re searching for can mean happiness; others that don’t, could choose to be happy by accepting their fate. Each of us has our own take on the way the stories play out.
There’s an Arabic phrase ‘ALHAMDULILLAHI ALA KULLI HAALI’, which means “Praise be to ALLAH, whatever the circumstances.” If I believe I deserve happiness, I must learn to appreciate what is destined for me, in whatever circumstances they be. It is not often or (in my case) ever, that you come across someone who can make you smile, without trying or even knowing. After all that, despite all my despair of never inching closer, in some mysterious cosmic way, albeit for a moment, I know our paths may cross.
