Adieu. A fond adieu.
I never knew goodbyes could be this hard till it became time to bid farewell.
When I was a child, goodbyes did not feel real. Maybe it was because I know I will see you-who-said-goodbye-to-me again. Or maybe we did not converse long enough to build a connection.
When I was a child, the hardest goodbye was to my mom, or dad, who is leaving for a brief period (knowing full well they will be back again). It was the fear of ‘What Ifs.’ What if they do not (come back)? That was my hardest goodbye.
But this time and the time before this. The goodbyes are different.
I never knew goodbyes could be this tough. I never knew goodbyes could pierce a hole in one’s heart. I never knew such kinds of formidable goodbyes existed, the kinds which cause my heart to ache so much that I am no longer able to hold back my tears.
I thought that movies were simply ‘movies’ — that flashbacks do not exist. But they do. Playbacks of fond memories were running over and over in my mind when the time was near.
Smiles, laughter, and jokes.
I secretly smiled when I thought of that memory. My heart beat a little faster. Then my heart sank like a ship under water. I teared uncontrollably knowing it will not be the same again.
Emotions swirl vigorously, causing a state of perplexity. Smiles were forced to mask my swollen eyes and hide the lump in my throat.
It was not exactly tears of sadness. It was not tears of joy either. It was tears of knowing what could have been but will not be; tears of knowing it is inevitable because the mind is made up. They were tears of knowing there is no turning back.
Goodbyes come in various forms—the ones in which you are the receiver and the ones in which you are the giver. Either of each diverge into three categories: obligation, volunteerism, or both. Then there are goodbyes like similar poles of two magnets — it is goodbye because we repel.
Goodbyes are hard to swallow. Because from this day on there is not a valid reason for us to communicate at all, is there? That would mean all connections cut. From a heart at ease to a mind of chaos. Thinking of all other possible reasons to begin typing ‘Hello’, ‘Hey,’ or ‘How are you?’
Sometimes you wonder why you part. Sometimes you wonder why you have to say goodbye. And honestly, you do not know.
You are also unsure if your letter of salutations will mean more harm than good.
Such heart-wrenching goodbyes signify there was a relationship, a connection strong enough for you to feel this way: a jar of misses yet a hug of bliss knowing it is a goodbye for the good (but maybe not a definite goodbye for good).
Through it all, goodbyes mean there will be something new, don’t they?
A new chapter for you the giver, and me the receiver, or vice versa.
Thus a fond adieu. Let us say the fondest adieu. And till we meet again, cheers.
