Public Speaking Perseverance

For most shy, socially anxious, slightly awkward introverts, public speaking is a literal nightmare. It’s a nightmare I have been forced to experience, but I have lived to tell the tale.

This past summer, I had finally decided I had enough of having social anxiety. Unfortunately, you can’t just snap your fingers and have anxiety go poof! Getting over anxiety requires exposure therapy. You need to deliberately put yourself in uncomfortable situations to prove to yourself that you can handle it. So I decided to sign up for my school’s public speaking class. This is my story.

Our first real assignment was a manuscript speech. It entailed speaking about an event in our lives. I opted to be the last one to speak. I spent a week agonizing over what to speak about. Nothing stuck out to me. Everyone else had some pretty interesting stories, and I had nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada. So, I decided to go meta.

I wrote a speech about writing a speech and speaking in front of people. I spent hours writing the speech and had my friends proofread it for me. The day I was supposed to speak, I was a wreck. I was freaking out so much that one of my other teachers actually read my speech to reassure me that it was good. Finally, last period came. One of my friends spoke before me, and I waited impatiently, just wanting to get it over with. My wish was not granted. Our class got into a discussion, and then the bell rang.

Saved by the bell? Not in this case. I would have to speak the next day. I had spent an entire day worrying for absolutely nothing!

The next day, I learned from my mistake and managed to keep my cool until I was called up to speak. I stood by the lectern and looked out at the class. Fifteen pairs of eyes stared back at me. I cracked. I could not start my speech. I was half way between crying and laughing and wasn’t sure which way to fully go. The teacher saw I was freaking out and sent me out into the hall to calm down. As the door closed behind me, I heard someone say “She’s not coming back.” If I stayed out in the hall for any longer, I knew they’d be right. I wouldn’t be able to face going back inside. I took a deep breath, told myself to stop thinking and just do it [Insert Nike product plug here]. I shut down the doubt that had taken over my brain and walked back into the room.

I started to speak. My opening lines were shaky. My voice sounded like it was going to crack any second. Yet, as I continued to speak, I managed to look out at the crowd. Everyone was smiling and even laughing at my jokes. I finished my speech and walked back to my seat. My face felt like it was on fire. I was still shaking from nerves. But I also felt the triumph of success. The teacher asked for comments and critiques, and people said they liked it. More importantly, I liked it.

I had faced my fear. I did it with tears, laughter, and hysteria. But I had done it. Now, I just have to give two more speeches to finish the course.