Stages of Fangirling

1, 3, 5, 7, I can’t even. #goals #imdeceased

Being obsessed with something is hard work. It’s like a full time job — only you don’t get paid. Fangirls know the struggle. As a verified fangirl (it’s in my Twitter bio), I decided to share the stages of fangirling. For purposes of simplicity, the object of obsession will be identified as X.

Stage One: Discovery

There is that amazing moment when you discover X and are completely unaware that this will completely change your life. This is the pre-obsession phase. You’re interested but not yet in the downward spiral of becoming a fangirl. There is still hope for you.

Stage Two: Obsession

This can occur any time between five seconds and a month. You don’t just like X; you are OBSESSED with them. They are your queens. You are deceased, and you CAN’T EVEN. Everything they do is amazing, and you can’t get enough of them. Tumblr becomes your lifeline. You’ve now fallen. And there’s no hope for you. There is no return from becoming a fangirl.

Stage Three: Google Stalk

This can actually happen before stage two or simultaneously. Now that you’re obsessed, you need to know EVERYTHING about X. You go from “I just want to know their names!” to following them on social media, to looking up every piece of information you can find on them. You find out who their family is, who dated whom, and all of the old tea. You become caught up in stuff that happened three years ago, like you just can’t get over that a snake broke X’s heart. Even though X has moved on, you’re still stuck in 2015.

Stage Four: Squeal

The fangirl scream/squeal. It happens every time X posts something or does something. It’s usually high pitched and followed by “Oh my god! I can’t! I literally can not!” If you have any sense of survival, you will not go near a fangirl when she’s in this mode unless you are also a fangirl of X.

Stage Five: Talk Talk Talk

It’s not enough for just you to be obsessed with X. No, no, no. You have an obligation to drive your friends crazy about it. It’s your job to turn them into fans. And that doesn’t just go for your friends. You’re willing to talk to anyone about X … and you do. That random kid in the hall? You’ve never spoken a word to them, but suddenly you’re best friends because you just need to express to someone how much you love X.

Stage Six: Fandom

Do I even need to explain this one? This obsession becomes your life. It is a full time job. Everything else is meaningless. Sleep? School? Socializing with other humans? That all gets tossed to the side. You make fan accounts, promote them, and do everything in your power to support them. You band together with other fans because you’re in this together. FANDOM IS FAMILY.

Stage Seven: Defense

X is your everything. They are your queens, moms, and children. If anyone were stupid enough to cross them, they now have to deal with you. Oh, what’s that? You think their song is bad? All protective instincts kick in, and you rush to protect your mom/child. You get the whole fandom involved and a whole hashtag trending just to stop that one troll on Twitter. The war has begun. You will drag them.

Stage Eight: Still There

We grow up and mature. We kind of fall out of love with X. We’re just not as interested in what’s going on with them as we were before. However, we didn’t spend all that time stalking them for nothing. They’re still a part of us and on some level we will always be the giddy fan who gets excited over the littlest thing they do.

Stage Nine: Moving On

Suddenly, you’ve met someone new. You’ve discovered Y. The magic of obsession starts anew.

Stage 10: Rinse and Repeat

Repeat stages 1–9.