Stop being a ‘Grammar Nazi’ in 2018, and forever
How to love grammar without being a scumbag
I admit that I am one of the most grammar-meticulous, obsessive spellcheckers that you would ever come across. I also admit, with my head bowing down with the burdensome weight of shame, that I have misused my logophilia by using it as a tool to unnecessarily embarrass other people, even when I had meant no harm. Eventually, I had to realize it, acknowledge it, and even apologize for it, before dropping the bad habit.
As an aspiring teacher, I relished in being branded “our English teacher” by many of my friends. I especially admired the ‘our’ or ‘my’ pronoun in the title, as it carried a connotation of some sort of sweet, personal connection between me and my ‘students.’ Typically, the only time I talked was when I turned around, tried to ‘politely’ correct an error that somebody had just made, before shoving my nose back in whatever novel I was engrossed into. And people loved it — my intricate explanations, professional, robotic tone, and my no-hard-feelings kind of comments were often regarded as jocular, to some extent.
That’s the problem, though — it was funny, but only to some extent. It was not long before I began to be aware of other, uh, disconcerting comments that were accompanying that title. A fairly common example would be: “I know you’re gonna judge my grammar, but…” Every time I heard that, my heart shattered a little. My invariable response would be a sad laugh followed by “No, I won’t judge you!”
Primarily, the reason I constantly corrected people’s mistakes was my false belief that everyone, just like me, found interest in hearing English language (or any language) facts being thrown around occasionally.
Secondarily, and most notably, I was truly battling endless waves of intelligence insecurity at the time, where I was coming to terms with the untrue realization that I was proficient at only a handful of things, which included any aspect of grammar. (Thankfully I have overcome that nasty self-loathing phase —a) it’s okay to not like certain things, b) I am good at many more other things than I realized!).
Even though I only wanted to play the Fun Fact game, I am certain I ended up upsetting someone. So why did that happen?
Significant Things To Note
Because here are a couple of very, very important things that I have failed to take into account:
Some people have learning disabilities! Others, while not disabled, may care less about grammar and everything associated with it. Perhaps it’s not their strongest point, just as math is for my innumerate brain. Many others are not at the same level of mastering the language as I am.
Some Tips
The phrases ‘obsessive grammarian’ and ‘decent person’ are, shockingly, not oxymorons. Here are tips on how to play both roles, simultaneously:
1. Never, ever point out someone’s mistakes in a room full of people
Even when you mean no harm, doing that can bring unnecessary humiliation to the person. Other people in the room may pity or gloat over the ‘victim,’ depending on the kind of person they are, but both are unfavorable. In that situation, either learn to keep quiet or, if necessary, inform them privately (yes, see number 4).
2. Make sure beforehand that your friend has no problem with you offering them grammatical enlightenment through some errors they may make
I am, by nature, a confrontational person, and would usually make 100% sure that they’re a good sport about it. I know people who find these facts very intriguing and are always interested in hearing my explanations! Remember that others that may lie and say they don’t mind when they do to some extent, so this may not be an absolutely safe approach.
3. Learn to smile and let go
Not every mistake has to be mentioned. I greatly admire the people that nod, smile, and pretend to have heard nothing wrong with some of the most poorly structured sentences. I am an English-as-a-second-language speaker, but it’s always good to hear less proficient learners come forth and try communicate. We all have to start somewhere, right?
4. If you’re doing that for their own good, make sure they’re aware
I remember that some of my friends had a big English exam coming up, and I genuinely wanted them to do a great job. So I informed them in advance that if I witnessed any mistake, I would get a pencil and a paper and explain the corrections privately. It was my little way of contributing to their academic success.
Another example is my Italian friend Chiara, with whom I once made a deal: She teaches me Italian, I teach her English. If any of us makes a mistake in the target language, we correct each other. She has helped me immensely that I still have many screenshots of our messages where she explained things to me which Google couldn’t. Ti voglio bene, Chiara!
5. Mind your tone.
It’s one thing to choose your words carefully, and it’s another perhaps equally important thing to choose your tone carefully. Try not to come off as a condescending know-it-all. Try not to sound irritated or exasperated. After all, you’re dropping Fun Facts, so the least you can do is give a bubbly air to your words and try to make others hear you smile as you speak.
So, I still correct grammar
In conclusion, I maintain my love for words and grammar, but decently. I cannot let go of it completely — oftentimes, it is the perfect comeback if you’re arguing with a greasy Trump supporter who happens to commit a heinous grammatical sin during the debate. However, over years of regret, shame, and self-betterment, I am happy to say I have learned to do that moderately, less frequently, and most of all, appropriately.
