The Footprints of Fear
And a list of scary things
Understanding Fear
Like tattoos, our emotions tend to leave stains on our skin which mark us until the end of time. Certain emotions, the positive ones like joy and euphoria, make remarkably beautiful tattoos we never tire of showing off, always on exhibit to the eyes of the world. Negative emotions, on the other hand, cut our skin rather than kiss it. And it is these ugly tattoos which we constantly try to rub off and wash away. We want them gone because they look bad on our skin and feel worse in our hearts.
One specific emotion that makes us feel terrible in our hearts is fear. Fear, particularly like sadness, is an unpleasantly heavy feeling — it weighs our hearts down excruciatingly, rendering even breathing a laborious task. Unlike the gentle trails of kisses that a positive emotion tattoos us with, the tattoo that fear imprints on our skin hurts the most, like the deepest cut with the sharpest blade. Apart from the pain, the tattoo is not exactly pleasant to the eyes either, and even if we do wash it away somehow miraculously, a deep wound will always leave a scar. And a scar serves either as a constant reminder of a pain, or a healing — depending on the way we choose to look at it.
We are meant to learn a thing or two about fear. Because, though it may vary, fear is determined to mark its territory on the skin of every human to walk the planet. Fear, while a perfectly normal emotion to experience, can be one of the most perilous. We cannot be exactly fearless — we can only be courageous, like heroes, who themselves experience fear to some extent … but the trick is this: they know how to manage it.
We must know that fear is not meant to control us. We are meant to control fear.
Fear can be part of what we feel, but never part of who we are.
We truly become heroes when we challenge fear by taking action, even for the most minor issues. When we go against fear and do what seems right for us and for others no matter the consequences, we become heroes.
Manage it. Challenge it.
We are meant to understand when fear is normal, and when to make it feel unwelcome. Sometimes we have to hold up that stop sign and yell at it (fear, not the stop sign) to quit impeding our progress to forge through life.
We must not give fear a chance. Remember that it is an equally big problem when fear messes with our small life decisions as when it does with big ones, given that small decisions are precursors to some of the biggest, most life-changing steps, and primarily influence how we feel, think, and behave in daily life.
Sometimes fear is necessary to keep us sane while other times it is all that is wrong with our lives. Its presence can be a cause for underachievement, whereas its absence can be a cause for recklessness.
Let us also keep in mind that some of the tattoos cannot be washed away with time. In fact, time does not always do its job. On the contrary, it can worsen the matter — sometimes the tattoo may grow bigger and bigger overtime.
That’s why it is our responsibility to take matters into our own hands and control as many of our negative — and positive — emotions as we can. All emotions are healthy when in a moderate amount and when steered in the right direction.
Put Fear in Its Place
I have a few tattoos, too. Small ones. The footprints of fear. Mine fluctuate in size — sometimes they shrink, sometimes they grow. But most of all, they always ensure their presence is felt by me.
Because even when our fear of something fades away, its ghost always lingers along. It jumps up from behind the protective walls of ‘fearlessness’ or ‘bravery’ we spent months, even years, building, and says hello. Asks us if we miss it. Reminds us that the blockage we have created does not fully annihilate its presence. It sits with its back to the walls, awaiting the right time to jump back up and declare its worthless little existence.
No matter how mischievous or treacherous it can be, we must make it clear to fear that its games do not faze us. That it may get to us every now and then but will never be allowed to have a long-term impact on us, and that we have the capability to withstand the pain from the tattoos it engraves on our skin without flinching or whining.
We should teach fear, as well as other negative emotions, that we will never stop loving the beautiful skin we live in no matter how many tattoos and scars they have stained us with. We still have our beautiful tattoos from positive emotions, and having all kinds of tattoos is what makes us alive anyway.
Scary Things
I am trying to control my fear. I still have nights when I toss and turn, obsessing over what-ifs and whys and hows. I usually try to laugh it all off and flick the thoughts like an annoying mosquito. Personally, religion is the most helpful when I try to deal with fear. I pray to God to give me what is best for me, and I instantly feel in safe hands. And whatever I receive is whatever God wants for me.
Still, sometimes fear insists on interfering with our everyday lives. That’s when it is meant to be confronted, yelled at, and told:
“Go to hell. Seriously. You’re not even significant.”
Here is a list of things that scare me, some slightly, some immensely:
- Illness: this fear tops my list of fears. Especially if it’s a long process, I imagine the pain that a slowly dying person feels. The helplessness of having a terminal illness. The heartache. The anticipation. Usually, the excruciating physical pain. The excruciating psychological pain for the patient and loved ones. Regrets of what has and has not been done. Regrets of time wasted. Tears wasted. Money wasted. Chances not taken. Recalling all the worthless material things that used to be a main source of ‘happiness’, like clothes or cars — now only a source of sheer torment and agony. Realizing that life is only temporary enjoyment.
It is the fear of realizing that we don’t even matter, because the Earth will still spin and spin, and we will have to be ready to face what is to come afterwards. - Memory loss: As they say, we are the books we read, the songs we listen to, and the people we befriend. We are shaped by our experiences and thoughts and opinions about these experiences. It is unimaginable to have all of this treasure wiped away, because of an accident, for instance, or an illness. Being clueless and confused in a world where you’re expected to know everything and be on the go.
It’s the fear of restarting life as adults with little to no knowledge about the past and the people around us. - Embarrassing moments: Some of us can be so empathetic that it’s painful to watch bad X-Factor auditions, because we experience what they call ‘second-hand embarrassment’. Now imagine first-hand embarrassment. If you can, imagine being a popular model and tripping on the catwalk. Imagine having a cough attack while giving a TED Talk. Imagine reciting one of your poems in front of hundreds of people at school and forgetting the words, like I did on October 17 2016. Imagine proposing to your partner in a fancy restaurant before the waiter stumbles on your leg and drops the tray from his hands. Imagine, but please, don’t get so into it. Why do I think of stuff like this?
It is the fear of being remembered as a standing joke, subjected to general ridicule, mockery, or pity.
4. Loneliness: Even when we say we don’t care about people, it is impractical — and wrong — not to care at all. Socializing and making friends is mandatory in a world where we build ourselves through basic human interactions. Sometimes we have friends but don’t trust them enough to share our fears, hopes, and aspirations. Maybe we’re afraid of being judged by them, or not being listened to. That is not alone, but lonely.
It is the fear I felt on one of my birth-days, walking outside by myself with a tight chest when I found nobody else to walk with me.
5. Finally, Fear: What scares me, most of all, is fear itself. The thing about fear is it feels so helpless. We are tricked into believing we can’t do much about what we’re afraid of.
It’s the fear of forgetting that we’re afraid of something, and instead focusing on the fact that we’re afraid — that alone is exhausting. The accelerated heartbeats and muscle tenseness and overthinking, in themselves, are frightening.
It’s the fear of the pain we get from the tattoos every time fear engraves its footprints on our skin, like being cut with a blade.
It’s the fear of being stamped with a mark not easy to wash away, because some emotions refuse to leave so easily. Even if it does leave, fear usually reminds us that it has been there, by leaving a scar, in order to scare us off next time we get an opportunity to be brave.
It’s the fear of being left with a scar and being reminded of a pain, not a healing.
