ASK THE ODYSSEY: Prioritize Yourself & Captain Your Own Ship
How to practice self care and discover yourself before, during, and after difficult times.
Dear Odyssey,
Since quarantine and the return to school, I have had a hard time taking care of my well-being. I’ve lost motivation for overwhelming school work and have felt very stressed. I also went through a rough breakup. I have lost my sense of self and feel very disoriented. It’s affecting every area of my life. :(
Any way you could give some advice on how to start feeling better?
Sincerely,
Searching for a Needle in a Haystack.
Dear NIAH,
Opening up about your difficulty with self-care and having the will to better yourself is a big step. I admire your vulnerability. For many, acknowledging the problem is all they can bring themselves to do because they’re not sure how to approach the situation. I am not a complete expert on this topic (I am a teenager still learning about life just like you), but I have developed a few habits that can help with experiences like these.
The Man in the Mirror
To start this off, yes, I’m quoting Michael Jackson. (I saw my chance and took it!) Self-perception and knowing who you truly are is a doozy. I currently still struggle with this, but I have come a long way from where I started (and so can you!). Remember, it’s a journey. It can’t happen in the snap of your finger, but I promise it’s a road worth taking.
“I’m still a boy inside my thoughts
Am I meant to understand my faults?
I don’t think so,
I don’t think I’m meant to understand myself…”“Pluto Projector” - Rex Orange County
Date Yourself!
My first recommendation for getting to know yourself is to spend some time alone. If you’re like me, you might not know who you really are because your personality depends on who you’re around. Or maybe you don’t change at all, and you’re just not sure where you fit in. Spending time with yourself gives you an opportunity to really get to know YOU. Try to pay extra attention to what brings even the slightest smile to your face, whether it be a joke online, a new music release, or a topic that interests you.
Another way to understand yourself is to write out your thoughts (on your phone, in a journal, or whatever you feel comfortable with). You don’t need to keep the writing. You can throw it away, burn it (safely), or rip it to shreds. If it helps, it helps. It’s like listening to a song you relate to — even though you know how you feel, hearing it in different wording can provide more clarity.
Sometimes it’s best to release emotions in a way you know you can control, rather than waiting for them to burst out like a surprise jack-in-the-box.
Release the Kraken! (Embrace the Hurt)
Sometimes, our biggest enemy is the repression of what we feel. I also understand that letting the feelings get to you can hurt, like MAJORLY. But, from what has been witnessed and experienced — the hurt comes out one way or another. Sometimes it’s best to let it out in a way you know you can control, rather than waiting for it to burst out like a surprise jack-in-the-box.
Repeat after me: “I am young and still learning how to live.”
Let yourself feel the pain. Acknowledge it. Embrace it, and regroup. This step can be the most difficult because it requires us to break down the natural instinct we have to defend ourselves from the “enemy.” Afterward, if you can find a healthy outlet, it can ease your stress a little bit more.
Hobbies are amazing for this, and so many of them can allow you to let out those feelings in a positive way. Art, whether musical or physical, is something entirely in your control. You can write what you want, play what you want, paint what you want, and no one can tell you otherwise. Sports are physical, and they’re built for determination. If you need to just kick or swing at something, try soccer or train with a punching bag. There are many ways to express your feelings and thoughts and relieve buildups of emotion.
Walk the Plank (Try New Things)
We can’t make progress if our life has evolved but our strategies have not. For example, if you are a junior in high school who’s never attempted anything above fifth grade math, you won’t understand how you’re failing calculus because you’re still doing what you already know correctly. Sometimes, we have to put ourselves out there and try new things. This can come in the form of experiences, like trying new foods, TV shows and movies, or hobbies.
You can even change the way you approach situations to push yourself outside your comfort zone. If you’re feeling lost or hurt because you feel like no one understands you or respects you, maybe you need to try confronting others and standing up for yourself more when something hurts your feelings. Maybe you notice that you are constantly mentally drained from forcing yourself to put others’ needs above your own — practice setting up some slight boundaries. It can just be a simple, “No, I can’t hang out today. I’m taking some time for myself,” or, “I don’t feel comfortable staying out so late. I need to get my homework done for this class.”
It’s okay to say “I need help.” It’s okay to show you’re human.
Surround Yourself with Loved Ones
Sometimes self-improvement is not a task we can complete on our own. The people who love us most can see things in different lights and perspectives than we do. If you need to confide in someone, don’t ever be afraid. It’s okay to say “I need help.” It’s okay to show you’re human. It’s difficult, because you want to complete this task on your own and you don’t want to stress someone with your problems, but you are NOT a burden to others. Communicate with the people around you.
Let Mountains Be Mountains
Finding yourself and caring for you can be intimidating. You may even think at times that it was not even needed, that you overreacted and made a mountain out of a molehill. But even if you are doing perfectly fine, selfcare is not a harmful task to accomplish. Don’t underestimate yourself. Nobody can successfully climb a mountain if they constantly dismiss it as a molehill.
It’s easier to do difficult things if you acknowledge they’re difficult, rather than trying to gaslight yourself into believing they’re easy and then ramming your head full speed into a surprising wake-up call.
(Cue your motivational-montage with “Eye of the Tiger” as your soundtrack.) I hope your journey treats you well! You’ve got this!
Jasmine Baxter is a student at YVHS. She is the ASB Junior Secretary and plans to pursue a career in psychology.
