How to Create and Maintain Friendships

Into the trash with the good old days of address books and in with social media that not only share our friends’ info and contact details but they also let us have a sneak peak into their current lives and whereabouts. We could drop our friends a message whenever and wherever we like and straight away they will be notified. It’s nice when friendship is made portable and easily accessible. Very sophisticated and satisfying, especially when we have so many friends to keep up with. All we need to do is scroll along photo thumbnails to pinpoint which friends we miss or are interested in “stalking” today.

However, after a while do you feel like this act is getting stale especially when according to recent studies, we check our Facebook on an average of 14 times a day? Browsing through hundreds or thousands of connections that we have accumulated over the years resembles the act of looking through reference books sitting on the library book shelves, in abundance collecting dust. We wonder to ourselves how and why they were here in the first place because out of those many books, which are the ones really relevant and beneficial to us? In other words, out of the many friend requests we have received and accepted, who are the ones we could really rely on for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health? After all, isn’t that what friends are for? It is about time we do a reality check.

The truth is, any amount of instant messaging wouldn’t make up the missed hang outs and chit chats whether in person or group. This is because “LOL” is better done out loud in action with voice instead of emoticons which are merely symbolic. Some, if not many of us have lost touch of the art of making friends and retaining them. Below are some examples of circumstances that might relate with us to.

1. We miss out on golden moments of socialising and making new friends with people who take the same public transportation, waiting in the same line while queuing up or walk in the same route to home as us every day because we have our heads down on our gadgets.
2. Making friends is as simple as sending friend requests or “following” someone. We keep them like collectibles items, expect them to be our consumers or fame generators.
3. For anything and everything, there’s always Whatsapp, Wechat, Snapchat, Facebook, Skype etc. Lunch dates can wait because everyone is so busy.

This is a cause for alarm as we are becoming so immersed in the eminent age of social media and gadgets. Instead of redefining the term ‘Friends’ or debating on what it means in the online world, let’s take a look at some simple acts of friendliness that could truly get us all connected while we take a moment to disconnect with our gadgets and social media by being the real friend first.

1. Initiate a conversation while queuing in line or waiting in public transportation or at a party. A good conversation starter would be to talk about the weather, compliment their outfit, offer a seat or drink, discuss any latest issues or trends but don’t ask their name directly and never impose negativity.
2. Join or support groups that you have similarities in and share a common interest with, be part of a sports team, residence community or volunteering organisation. Proximity also helps — get to know your neighbours, consider your officemates and catch up with old schoolmates.
3. Fulfil events, parties and small gathering invitation even when you’re not really up for it. You have no idea how just by showing up goes a long way.
4. Start calling instead of texting, arrange a get together and spare an hour of breakfast or high tea at a Mamak’s for a quick one with friends. Distance makes the heart grow fonder…but not so when we are being distant by our own excuses of not having the time to set up and reconnect.

Friendships are like cars. We have to maintain it in order to sustain! Have any friendship maintenance tips of your own? Share it with a comment below.