Us, 우리 가
In this time and space.
Should I have walked on by when you flagged me down like you would a taxi? Should I have kept my smile at bay which you drew out with your nervous face; the one that told me all about the courage it took you to take those hesitant steps towards me. That smile gave you the confidence you needed to brush my hand lightly after I ignored your searching eyes the first time, even when I knew fully well what they wanted to say. Maybe if I had, it wouldn’t have hurt so much.
In the beginning you said,
“we’re two broken people in love with love. Broken people are capable of love too.” But I kept proving them right, those who say broken people only offer love in smithereens. Still, you said, “You only need to take a step, I’ll meet you beyond halfway. I’ll cover the distance between us, all I need is one outstretched arm and I’ll let myself melt in them. You only need to whisper my name and
I’ll come running wherever, whenever.” I believed you. Should I have?
It was indeed you who said in the middle,
“There’s me wishing you would see me the way I see you.
There’s you pushing me away and pulling me in tighter.
And there is us with an understanding as deep as the deep, that forever was never meant to be. Not for us. Not today. Not ever.
Now, I’m at war with one of my demons. I want you regardless. I crave you. The craving has ignited a flame that won’t go out nor be put out. Ours is a story sung in the stars. Can’t you see?” I couldn’t see.
At the end, at the full stop of our journey, you imprinted these words in my mind. You said to me,
“of all things I couldn’t afford in this lifetime, the price tag of your heart is the scariest. Your gaze tells me I could offer you the universe and it still wouldn’t warm for me. Your eyes tell me I could carve out my heart for you on a platter and you’ll say something is missing. Even your shadow holds resentment for the love I profess to it. The world could be at your feet but your void will only grow deeper. All the stars could focus their shine on you, still nothing! I should know, for I am the light you never could open your eyes to. I’ll never be enough. Not for you.”
But darling, should I retain the right to call you that? You only needed to have given me a heads-up. Maybe then it wouldn’t have hurt so much to watch you walk away with her, your retreating back a reminder of a love I lost. Forever.
