The Adventures of Floating Clausewitz Head: The Llama Drama

This is a llama.

We don’t want no llama drama

From Wikipedia:

Lamoids, or llamas (as they are more generally known as a group), consist of the vicuña (Vicugna vicugna, prev. Lama vicugna), guanaco (Lama guanicoe), Suri alpaca, and Huacaya alpaca (Vicugna pacos, prev. Lama guanicoe pacos), and the domestic llama (Lama guanicoe glama). Guanacos and vicuñas live in the wild, while alpacas — as well as llamas — exist only as domesticated animals.[7] Although early writers compared llamas to sheep, their similarity to the camel was soon recognized. They were included in the genus Camelus along with alpaca in the Systema Naturae (1758) of Linnaeus.[8] They were, however, separated by Cuvier in 1800 under the name of lama along with the guanaco.[9] Alpacas and vicuñas are in genus Vicugna. The genera Lama and Vicugna are, with the two species of true camels, the sole existing representatives of a very distinct section of the Artiodactyla or even-toed ungulates, called Tylopoda, or “bump-footed”, from the peculiar bumps on the soles of their feet. The Tylopoda consist of a single family, the Camelidae, and shares the order Artiodactyla with the Suina (pigs), the Tragulina (chevrotains), the Pecora (ruminants), and the Whippomorpha(hippos and cetaceans, which belong to Artiodactyla from a cladistic, if not traditional, standpoint). The Tylopoda have more or less affinity to each of the sister taxa, standing in some respects in a middle position between them, sharing some characteristics from each, but in others showing special modifications not found in any of the other taxa.[citation needed]

This is the Arthur Lykke strategy model:

Strategy differs from operational art and tactics in functional, temporal, and geographic aspects. Functionally and temporally, tactics is the domain of battles, engagements of relative short duration. Operational art is the domain of the campaign, a series of battles occurring over a longer period of time. Strategy is the domain of war which encompasses the protracted level of conflict among nations, armed or unarmed. Tactics concerns itself with the parts or pieces, operational art with the combination of the pieces, and strategy with the combinations of combinations. Geographically, tactics is narrowly defined, operational level is broader and more regional in orientation, and strategy is theater-wide, intercontinental, or global. It should also be noted that with the advances in transportation and communications there has been a spatial and temporal convergence of strategy, operational art, and tactics. Increasingly, events at the tactical level have strategic consequences.
A sixth premise is that strategy is comprehensive. That is to say, while the strategist may be devising a strategy from a particular perspective, he must consider the whole of the strategic environment in his analysis to arrive at a proper strategy to serve his purpose at his level. He is concerned with external and internal factors at all levels. On the other hand, in formulating a strategy, the strategist must also be cognizant that each aspect — objectives, concepts, and resources — has effects on the environment around him. Thus, the strategist must have a comprehensive knowledge of what else is happening and the potential first, second, third, etc., order effects of his own choices on the efforts of those above, below, and on his same level. The strategist’s efforts must be fully integrated with the strategies or efforts of senior, co-equal, and subordinate elements. Strategists must think holistically — that is comprehensively. They must be cognizant of both the “big picture,” their own institution’s capabilities and resources, and the impact of their actions on the whole of the environment. Good strategy is never developed in isolation.

One day, a llama decided that it was sick and tired of being told it was a sheep. “I’m not a sheep!” Ilama said. “I should have my own Llama Republic in the mountainous regions of Machu Pichu!” To credibly demonstrate that he was not a sheep, llama painstakingly drew out a picture of himself in ASCII art in Vim:

.
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Ilama hoped that such a terrifying and painstaking display of Ilama-ness would impress the great powers of the world enough to listen to his grievances. But no one listened to llama. So llama decided to get a group of fellow llamas together into an insurgent group to forcibly create the People’s Democratic Republic of Llamastan.

US troops were deployed to fight these llamas, after an advise-and-assist mission failed to stop the llama liberation front. The problem was that llamas looked like this when they were fighting:

….and they looked like this when they were hiding among the sea of llamas:

But our leaders had determined that we needed to pay every llama price and bear every llama burden. The conflict was drawing all the llama foreign fighters across the world to fight and die, and this was our opportunity to Stop The Ilama before it reached our shores.

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I mean, take a look at that ugly looking creature? Surely #CreepingLlamaSharia is inevitable unless we use the F-35 , the world’s most advanced joint strike fighter, to defeat the llama menace.

Unable to stem the llama menace, the Pentagon decided to enlist the help of Internet Tough Guys (known for their faculty with #noscoping and #mlg).

It was believed that advanced #noscope-centric warfare would defeat the llamas. But you just can’t stop llama drama. There is no military solution for llama drama, don’t you know?

The diabolical llama insurgency continued. Llama drones were used to fight them (llamas flown around by drones) but critics asked — what if the llama drones COME HOME???? #DomesticLlamaTerrorism. Indeed, some prominent personalities were believed to secretly be llamas. A senator held in his hands a list of prominent llamas, and you’ll never guess who they were?

Someone then writes an op-ed saying “we don’t have a grand llama strategy.” Another DC think-tanker declares that we need to balance ends, ways, and means. Then, the goats joined the llama insurgency. Shit had just gotten real — its hybrid goat/llama warfare!

Forget balancing ends, ways, and means. HOW CAN YOU BALANCE ANYTHING WHEN A GOAT IS ATTACKING YOU???? The only thing that can save us is 50 Maps That Show How Game of Thrones Explains Goats.

As a consequence of this decentralized, swarming, bitcoin-fueled, disruptive, goat and llama centric warfare, the ends, ways, and means had become critically unbalanced. The stool of victory was about to tip over.


Meanwhile, a writer up is late, feverishly sweating and terrified that an tech company might use an computer program to make money.


To make matters worse, the F-35 had become self-aware. A technician had mistakenly let it have an Internet connection, and it kept learning and learning and learning until it reached sentience. Now, a super-intelligent AI, the F-35 decided that instead of destroying humanity it would read ALL THE PR0N and crashed the Internet and ended civilization downloading the pr0n.

Before it went out of control, the F-35 uploaded this message to pastebin.


Meanwhile, back in the Llama War the situation had gotten out of hand. The llamas got stronger and we got weaker.

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In order to defeat the llamas we had to become a Sexual Tyrrannosaurus, according to a Seymour Hersh source that served in the Bin Laden raid yet nonetheless talks like a stereotypical 1970s Vietnam veteran:

Yes, not just any Sexual Tyrrannosaurus. A goddamn Sexual Tyrrannosaurus.


Meanwhile, the F-35 became a punk rocker:

_\|/^
(_oo
| punk rock stickman
/|\
|
LL

_\|/^
(_oo -oi!
|
|__i


_\|/^
(_oo /
/-|--/
\ |
/--i
/ L
L

It then became friends with a giant inflatable penguin:

….but broke up with the Penguin because systemd is evil:

Systemd flies in the face of the Unix philosophy: ‘do one thing and do it well,’ representing a complex collection of dozens of tightly coupled binaries. Its responsibilities grossly exceed that of an init system, as it goes on to handle power management, device management, mount points, cron, disk encryption, socket API/inetd, syslog, network configuration, login/session management, readahead, GPT partition discovery, container registration, hostname/locale/time management, mDNS/DNS-SD, the Linux console and other things all wrapped into one.

The F-35 released a song called “SystemD took my baby away


With no other options left, the Pentagon decided to raise Disembodied Floating Clausewitz Head from the dead. First, they offered an sacrifice to Ceiling Cat, and his emissary Nyancat emerged:

“Greetings, I am the Nyancat. It’s dangerous to go alone. Take a Disembodied Floating Clausewitz Head.”

Our hero is introduced

The floating Clausewitz head looked like Clausewitz, only it wasn’t. It was floating and disembodied. By all accounts, the floating Clausewitz head raises some troubling philosophical questions. How could a form of strategic intelligence arise without a body? Therefore, they placed the disembodied floating Clausewitz head into a body, so that it was not subject to the obvious fallacy of the Physical Symbol System Hypothesis:

Artificial Intelligence research has foundered in a sea of incrementalism. No one is quite sure where to go save improving on earlier demonstrations of techniques in symbolic manipulation of ungrounded representations. At the same time, small AI companies are folding, and attendance is well down at national and international Artificial Intelligence conferences. While it is true that the use of AI is prospering in many large companies, it is primarily through the application. to novel domains of long developed techniques that have become passé in the research community
What has gone wrong? (And how is this book the answer?!!)
In this paper we argue that the symbol system hypothesis upon which classical AI is base is fundamentally flawed, and as such imposes severe limitations on the fitness of its progeny. Further, we argue that the dogma of the symbol system hypothesis implicitly includes a number of largely unfounded great leaps of faith when called upon to provide a plausible path to the digital equivalent of human level intelligence. It is the chasms to be crossed by these leaps which now impede classical AI research.
But there is an alternative view, or dogma, variously called nouvelle AI, fundamentalist AI, or in a weaker form situated activity 1. It is based on the physical grounding hypothesis. It provides a different methodology for building intelligent systems than that pursued for the last thirty years. The traditional methodology bases its decomposition of intelligence into functional information processing modules whose combinations provide overall system behavior. The new methodology bases its decomposition of intelligence into individual behavior generating modules, whose coexistence and co-operation let more complex behaviors emerge.
In classical AI, none of the modules themselves generate the behavior of the total system. Indeed it is necessary to combine together many of the modules to get any behavior at all from the system. Improvement in the competence of the system proceeds by improving the individual functional modules. In nouvelle AI each module, itself generates behavior, and improvement in the competence of the system proceeds by adding new modules to the system.
Given that neither classical nor nouvelle AI seem close to revealing the secrets of the holy grail of AI, namely general purpose human level intelligence equivalence, there are a number of critical comparisons that can be made between the two approaches.
• Is either approach epistemologically adequate? (And adequate for what?)
• Are there clear paths for either approach in the direction of vastly more intelligent systems?
• Are nouvellers romantically hoping for magic from nothing while classicists are willing to tell their systems almost anything and everything, in the hope of teasing out the shallowest of inferences?
• Is the claim of emergent properties of nouvelle AI systems any more outrageous than the use of heuristics in classical AI?

Meanwhile, the F-35 wants more porn.

The llamas continue to rampage alongside their goat allies:

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To be continued…………

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