A LETTER TO….

Dearest,
I remember everything that happened between us. We met on a blind date and that was love at first sight for me! You looked gorgeous in that blue dress! I gave my heart the moment I set my eyes on you. Though we dated for six months only, I still gush over it. I know that many things have happened between you and me, things that you do not like, things that have depressed me, things that have brought insecurity between us. However, there is this feeling I can still sense, and I know that if we talk clearly, we will be able to fix any issues from the past, and start anew again.

I have loved you since we were friends, do you remember? And I want you to know that I still love you, and if you are willing to have a last talk with me, we might fix this up and I promise to never disappoint you again. I was always hoping that everything would go well, but I can now see that things went the other way. I fell in love with you the moment I heard about you in the first class. I remember the day when our class teacher told us about you. From the day, I have fallen in love with you. From the day, I vowed to be completely yours forever. You are the one for me.

I have never been so sure of anything else in all my life. You may not be perfect, you are flawed like all humans. But you are perfect to me and that’s all that matters. I promise to handle your heart with care and treasure it with love. No one would ever know how perfect you are to me. The power of your content should never be underestimated. I think only about you. When our teachers stated such interesting points on you, I realized that I can’t sustain my life without you. Imagining a life without you is something that is impossible. We came together underneath the stars above. What started out as liking soon turned into love. I sensed a certain something in my heart that was true. I know I waited all my life to meet you.

I remember the first day of Pulchowk campus. We were not familiar with each other. Only I knew your name. I hadn’t even seen you. But from that day, I started thinking only about you. Maybe we met for the first time in the library when I got my campus id card. But then, I was reluctant to talk to you. Everything was new and truthfully, I was rather intimidates. Then. one day, I saw you in the stationery shop as well. Then, I saw you with one of our seniors again. I felt so jealous. Time and time again, I had to pinch myself when I saw you next to me. Seeing you frequently, I used to feel something different, dear. I always thought, “When would we met? You would make me complete. I wish I could let you know you mean everything to me”. It melts my heart and touches my soul when I recall how mad I was about you. No one else matters when I look into you. My days felt incomplete if I didn’t remember you.

I value our relationship more than you’ll ever know, you are one of my dreams and I don’t know what I did to deserve someone as wonderful as you. From senior दाइ to our teachers, I used to listen to your name each time. Not only at day but also in the nights, you used to come in my dream. It became difficult for me to sleep. I used to spend the entire day in your remembrance. Every day, I used to think to ask my seniors about you. But I couldn’t dare to do this because I was scared of any irrelevant question from them. I used to hear them saying that you are the best. Sometimes I used to go to the library and used to see you sitting alone. I was afraid if someone might see me and ask me stupid questions about you. I was living in just a faint hope that we would meet.

Time was passing. Not so long ago when I was alone and lost, I met one of my exes. Things were going well but also you were always in my mind and heart. Sometimes in the library, sometimes with seniors, I used to see you. But I couldn’t say anything. Everything was going on this way. Even my exams got worse. But what could I do?

In the locus exhibition at college, when my friend asked our teacher for a project, he told him to contact you. Everywhere, you are so famous! Even the distance between us was slowly decreasing as my friends got closer and closer to you and finally, we came in contact in our 4th sem of engineering. The first day of our 4th sem you were in the same blue dress looking gorgeous as always. You were slimer than others. Your body and style were suited you perfectly. Everyone used to say that you were into high voltage engineers more. Since I was also on the way of being a high voltage engineer, I was getting even more confident that you could be the one for me. All I knew was that I was lost without you.

But from the day we met and finally spoke, everything went wrong. I couldn’t understand anything. You were trying to be act distant. Perhaps, you didn’t know what I had done for you. I had left all my friends. I even left going to the department of angels(Architecture). Perhaps, if I had continued visiting that department like my friends, I would have been able to date at least 5–7 angels. But I didn’t do this. I never went to that department for the whole semester, even in the finishing ceremonies of ASA, LOCUS, CESSS. The main reason that disappointed me was that you were good with everyone except me. I used to feel extremely sad. Earlier, I used to feel alive even by just your name, but now, you feel so far away even though you are with me. What haven’t I done to understand you! I used to do google stuff just to understand you. Your old friends and my seniors used to say, “it is not so easy to understand you. You are a unique one. Try to let go”. But I didn’t. Because before you, there was someone else just like you, and I didn’t want to let go this time.

Back in school when I was in 8 class, I had met someone whose name was also started from the same letter as yours. But she was not so difficult. We were together for four years. Even in 1st sem of engineering, we were frequently in contact. She was my dream before you. It was too good with her. But then you came and everything changed. And now I’ve started despising you, even if I know ‘Nothing can be loved or hated unless it is first understood’. All my friends — Arjun, Narayan, Bibek have told me to really dive into you or leave you and find someone else. But I can do neither. I didn’t know what my fault was. I still don’t know what my fault is.

I will be waiting for your response, because it would really make me happy that we could talk for the last time. However, I hope it will not be the last one. I still love you. I’ll never finish falling in love with you. You are my perfect soul mate who brings the very best out of me. When we shall be together, I can truly be myself, and that makes all the difference. I’ll try my best to understand you and resolve the problems between us. I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH MY DEAR POWER SYSTEM ANALYSIS.

Yours,

Zerone is an undergrad publication at I.O.E, Pulchowk focusing on People (their creative side, their thoughts, their lives) and Technology (the new, the old, everything).

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