We all know the situation where you are blamed to have done something you are not responsible for. In those cases, you tend to feel an awkward burn inside your body. You feel like a massive steam generator fueled by your own made-up scenarios. At this moment, you start to realize or rather be certain that you are not to blame. The people who blamed you, they are the real culprits, for making you feel this way. Why should you feel this way, if you didn’t do anything. Ohh! that anger. You just feel that you will shout at and corner them in the next encounter, if you had a chance. Then, you feel like, “Oh, wait! I am just making up the scenarios. Noob! Just what the hell am I thinking. If I didn’t do that, why the hell should I worry about it too much.” At this moment, you think the thinking part is over, but is it?
These feelings tend to swirl round and round, each time with a different progression. And that’s that. You really don’t feel normal until the thing is sorted out.
But, the things I just said, the feelings I just explained, they are normal — these things are always sorted out, and you regain your mental state right after it ends, because deep down you know you are not to blame.
Consider this scenario: You are extremely hungry and want to go grab something to eat. But you don’t want to go to the restaurant alone because that waiter with that irresistible smirk on his face will look at you and think: “What a loner!”.
So, you ask a friend to accompany you. He doesn’t seem hungry, but after a few minutes of insisting, he finally agrees to go. You — now happy and only thinking of the things you will eat — start ignoring the things your friend is saying, because you know… you won’t be alone now.
Now, when you are about to reach for the door of the most awaited food palace, your friend slips on something, and you think he broke his arm. Your hunger is gone and you start to ask yourself: who is to blame?
Forget the things I said previously, and think. Are you to take the blame for the accident? The previous scenario doesn’t relate because deep down (No! Go deeper!), you really don’t know whose fault this is. Actually slipping is no one’s fault but you know you’ll blame yourself, even if it’s for a brief (You think!) moment. (This doesn’t apply to self-centered assholes) . But seriously though, when you yourself don’t know what the truth is, how can you not be paranoid? You know you’ll think about it a lot. You think and think and think, but still don’t reach a conclusion because you can always look at it from two angles.
Perhaps, you think of the butterfly effect, the idea that even the flutter of a butterfly’s wings can cause a tornado on the other side of the world. According to Wikipedia, “In chaos theory, the butterfly effect is the sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a small change in one state of a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences in a later state.” This can be interpreted in two ways: you are not in incharge of each and every thing that happens. But then again, it can also be interpreted as you being the one who “flapped” the wing.
So, whatever way you think of the thing that just happened, you’ll always find a pessimistic side and an optimistic side. You’ll always be either the one who might have broken his friend’s arm, or the one who might have saved him from who knows what. For as of now, you are not sorted out. You know you really don’t care what others think until you have really accepted it yourself. It may be cheesy to recite the same thing over and over again but here it goes, “You can lie to others, but you can’t really lie to yourself.”
I am not here to say whether it’s your fault or not. I am just saying that if you don’t accept the thing that just happened, you’ll always be stuck. Stuck in a way that the thing will never clear off your mind. Whatever it be, you must accept it and move on. And just to make you happy, “It’s not your fault, you cannot control everything that happens, and you are not to blame, for what happened was unexpected… or was it?”
Zerone is an undergrad publication at I.O.E, Pulchowk focusing on People (their creative side, their thoughts, their lives) and Technology (the new, the old, everything).
Follow us for more articles, stories, poems and other cool writings.