HANGING BY A MOMENT
“Remember tonight, for it is the beginning of always. A promise. Like a reward for persisting through life so long alone. The belief in each other and the possibility of love. A decision, to ignore or simply rise above the pain of the past. The covenant, which at once binds two souls and yet severs prior ties. The celebration, of the chance for two will always be stronger than one. Like a team, braced against the tempest’s of the world. And love… will always be the guiding force in our lives. For tonight is mere formality.. only an announcement to the world for feelings long held. Promises made long ago — in the sacred space of our hearts.” — Anonymous.
Pastor: Lucas Eugene Scott, do you take Lindsay Everlyn Strauss to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you..
Peyton : Lucas, you can’t. I’m sorry… I’m sorry.. but you just… you can’t, because I love you and because you fixed my car. Remember that day? Because that day changed everything and I didn’t know it at the time. But when you fixed my car, you fixed my heart. And when you proposed to me two years ago, I just wasn’t ready. And I was lost and scared, so I said ‘someday’, but some day’s now Luke, it is. Someday is now and I love you. Please don’t leave me again… (back to reality from day dreaming) At least that is what I should have said, instead, I said nothing and he said.
Lucas : I do.
How many of you have lamented like this? I most definitely am not referring to the lamentation to a “speak now” version of a wedding-vows-gone-wrong moment; but I am implying those moments where you feel totally helpless and could do nothing, and you simply let the moment take its course and later repent of having said or done nothing. Time and tide waits for none, they said and so it was true. All those quotations by the renowned and thoughts for the day, turn out to be true in the weirdest of ways, don’t they? There are those moments in life which leave you devastated as to, “yes, I should have done what mom told me to do” or “dad had always been right. I should have…” I used to have this innuendo into life — do mistakes, no actually make whoppers; over and over again, so that you get to learn from them and live your life on your terms. But, haven’t we reached an age where we are playing the role of an adult, advising our juniors not to go through the mistakes we made? It’s the human nature to give advice, and I guess the realization that having things done the way dad would want it to be done, is the stepping stone into adulthood!
I once met a god of empathy. He cared for everyone! And by everyone, I literally mean everyone! He lived with his virtues and was happy. But, happiness is never everlasting and so wasn’t his. He eventually lost the hang of it, and came to me to learn how to become selfish. I am not the epitome of selfishness, neither do I sell fish! But I, being a human being, extended out my helping hand with an advice — an advice that I have been trying to implement my whole life: always put “me” first! I don’t quite think that he ever followed my advice, and thence, landed up getting hurt plenty of times. But he is doing what he is supposed to do i.e. empathize, as empathy is in his DNA. And I failed to mutate him into what destiny has in store for every other human being — you will always walk alone in the boulevard of broken dreams, and your shadow is the only thing that walks besides you. (Haha! This is not just some Green Day lyrics!) This does sound very pessimistic of me, and you must have gotten a stink of megalomania coming out of me. “When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies but the pack survives.” Quoting this, I only aim to state the obvious — in due course of life, you will meet plenty of new faces. Some will really stand up to you. Some will disgust you to the brink that.. that.. let’s just forget about those whackos for the time-being. Learn to be wise to identify those who care for you from within. Learn to segregate between the dearest ones and the dear ones, and prioritize your priorities to the former. I and you makes us, but let us not let the third person intervene amidst our happiness.
And Hansel said to Gretel; let us drop these breadcrumbs so that together we find our way home because losing our way would be the cruelest of things. This year, I lost my way. 2017 has undoubtedly been the toughest one so far. My major malfunction was my poor self-esteem. That self-righteous, strong and independent boy turned out to be average, co-dependent, self-wronged parasite who fed on external validation to make it through the day. Average is just not my phenotype. I don’t do average; wherever I go, I just needed to strike out and make an impact. That’s what I should have been doing. But, last year, I got long used to escaping reality and nothing seemed to be going right! That medical student who loved making sketches on the anatomy gross files and who could do wonders with hematoxylin and eosin pencils on the histo. files ended up copying every bit of forensic practical file off his classmates’. I lost interest in the things I used to love. Once you lose yourself, you have but two choices: find the person you used to be or lose that person completely. This October, I shall be completing 4 years of med school. The journey is coming to an end. Sometimes I traveled alone, sometimes there were others who took the wheel. But I just hope when the destination is reached, I will be someone who learns to adore himself, for the smallest of things, and hanging by this moment, I would want to recall the person I was meant to be, the person I wanted to be, I person I am!
Till Death does us apart.
