Here’s To The Home That’ll Never Remain The Same ( Without You )

We all live with the knowledge that nothing lasts forever — you or the people you love. Irrespective of the extent to which we heed this warning of life. All our preparations fall short the day we find ourselves on the cross paths of losing the ones we love.

This was a gloomy year. The ever-warm early summer turned cold on us when we lost our mother’s sister. Behind the always cheerful and happy face of hers, hid the battle her body faced on the inside.

Grief never favored anyone — and so it befell everyone who knew of her existence. Yet it wasn’t fair. For, it was too late when the gravity of this loss hit me. I was too weak to bear its weight.

The loom of life that weaved through everyone’s life — a part of it — was now inked black. That black ink traveled through its woolly fibers. That’s how sorrow spreads, disrupting both ends of life — what was and what could have been. A drop of it fell onto the woven cloth of memories: the home that I adore so much, will never be the same.

No matter how slow that spindle spun, the pain of loss still smudged across. We found ourselves trying our best to move on. It is only human to do so — to waddle away from the adversities we face. And so we tried our best.

Holding on to the memories we wished her to be in a better place.

To people — they lost someone great — a blessing in the form of a woman with the kindest soul. For me, I lost a welcoming home that neither the tides of time nor the abundant space will give me back.

Months later.

Gaijatra. The day thousands mourned their lost loved ones. We were not so different. Tears that flowed for days had dried and cheeks that bore the weight of the rivers of sorrow healed on the surface. Yet, we all knew that no amount of healing could fix a heart whose foundations shook to its core.

Mountains and valleys apart I was — the ceremony occurred elsewhere. But who was to ask grief to spare people who were distant?

Through someone’s phone, I saw her home. Where I buried our happiest memories the day she passed away — hoping to never see it again.

All the memories I once cherished at that place were now painful. It all floods my head. When the well of my consciousness was insufficient to contain it — it overflowed through my tears.

People say it takes hands to build a house but only hearts can build a home.

For me, I had two homes — one where I grew up and another where she lived. I grew up in a city with views obstructed by monoliths of concrete, bricks, and glass. While her home lay saddled on the hillside of the village of Tahatim, Gulmi.

[AI remaking of the real view]

A clay house made of wood and yet the backdoor opened the heavenly view of the valley. Two windows, each obstructed the view on either side. Between them remained one that brought balance to their imperfection. That is where I sat. The centered window gave way to the majestic view that lay ahead. The divine green lands carved inside the holy crown of uneven hills. Everything about that house felt special.

Even the nighttime could not dwarf the happiness that place radiated. The sweet humming of hers as she cooked us food on the old fireplace. It now reverberates in melancholy inside my head filled with her memories. That home had the warmth to make it past all the harshest winters.

In the memory of the place that was once home

Now that she is gone, so has my courage to visit that place which was my second home. I can only lay here writing and wondering whether it was her or that place that I considered home. The essence departed with the soul and I am unsure how welcoming that place remains.

One of my favorite books said that in a place where a loved one has died, time stops for eternity. If so I hope time stopped the fading aura of that place hoping to give solace to the people. The same people who may visit with the hopes of reliving the dear homes that they once cherished — which is no more.

Here’s to the person who was second to my mother and all the dear homes that lost their way. Providing comfort and happiness to everyone around. I hope they found an even better home in the Elysian fields of Nirvana.