It’s that time of the year again, reminding me of how single I am. It’s not that I’m craving for being committed, but still, it’s okay to feel sad at times, right?
I don’t know, how to start or where to start, so here it goes, just a few jumbled words in my mind.
Being single during this time, seeing everyone having fun with their partners, seeing stories of others, already is heart-wrenching (not outta jealousy, tho), but breaking up with the one, whom once you thought is the love of your life, on Valentine’s day is whole another level of heartbreak.
The waves of feelings when she tells you that she loves you, and you are important to her, but not anymore in a romantic way is unexplainable. For a moment you feel like you’re over the moon, but the next moment you are under the deep ocean, you feel suffocated. You feel betrayed, your heart feels heavy and you can’t even breathe properly. You don’t know what’s going on and you don’t even have an idea whether you should respond, or just let that sink in. What could be worse than loving someone, who you know is never gonna love you, the way you love her?! You know that but still, you’re helpless. You can’t un-love someone, and you definitely cannot force someone to love you back.
You feel stranded in a prison of pain and low self-esteem, and cry yourself to sleep.
You start reminiscing all the moments you had spent with her and you feel confused. You start questioning yourself, did she love me at any point? Am I misunderstanding something? Was I being used? Was she real? A series of random positive and negative thoughts surf in your mind, and you can’t justify any of those clearly. Those memories hurt you every time but realizing that all those memories were not even what you thought it was, hurts you even more, you feel ashamed of yourself. You wish you had amnesia, you wish all of it were a dream, but you can do nothing but live with it.
A few months and you’re on your own way, separated, but it’s the nature of memories to haunt you back. Every year on Valentine’s day, you reminisce all this and feel broken all over again, you feel like you can never love someone else the way you loved her.
But always remember a line, as said by Red in ‘The Shawshank Redemption’, “Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” Keep believing in yourself and loving yourself, fate’s gonna find you someday soon, and you’re gonna live life the way you wanted, with someone you love.
Not everyone gets the message of love on Valentine’s day. So if you haven’t got one, here it is:
‘You are loved and you are a great and beautiful human being. Keep believing in yourself, someone’s happy that you exist. It’s okay to be single and great things are in your way. Happy Valentine’s day.’
