My Dreams Till Now
Dream can be anything that you desire. It can be fantasy like Harry Potter series, it can be romantic like in novels or books or it can be heroic where you are the main character.
Just like other people, I too had a lots of dream and am still dreaming and will be dreaming in the future as long as I am alive. Some dreams are memorable and we really work hard to make it reality, some can’t even be remember but we know we just dreamt about it and some we don’t even bother to make it happen cause it is really impossible in the real world. I had a dream yesterday too which I don’t really remember but I know I dreamt in the night and slept peacefully.
Let me take you through the memorable ones that I still remember till this date.
First, in the small age, when I was four or five, I dreamed about becoming a singer which I thought was really absurd at that moment.
See, music is universal language, we all know that and it can be interpreted in different ways through different lens of people. And, I like it. I like listening to it, I like how it makes me calm and brings me peace, I like how it change my mood from sad to happy, I like how it brings positive energy and how it can be my friend in low moments. Seeing the singer singing their hearts out while performing had made me want to become a singer. It’s through them we can see different story and their depths and music just amplifies it. But, this dream didn’t last long and it’s all due to my low self confidence.
Honestly, I am not a bright person and at smaller age, it was even worse. I am someone that enjoys alone time more than social gathering and am quiet and shy but that also doesn’t mean I lack warmth and love and hate people.
Back then, being an introvert was not easy, well, at least for me it was not easy. I was questioned about why I didn’t talk much, why I didn’t involve myself in making new friends, why I didn’t like the attention, why I refuse to go up on the stage and be myself, like other kids who are playful, talks loud and are expressive. But, what I didn’t know was these all things were making me feel so small and be less confident and hate myself for being myself. I began to look up to those kids who were bright as sun and who could gain all the attention of the audience and I would sometimes questioned myself why I am not like them. I believed that something was wrong with me if I am not like them.
This whole process did effect my dream of becoming singer at that point. I really thought kids who were bright or extrovert can only achieve this dream. I couldn’t even imagine to talk in front so many people and yet alone sing and just like that, this dream remained unfinished and buried in my heart. It’s one of my biggest regret too. But, if I really had been brave and had pursed this dream, what would my future be like now? Would I have become a famous singer? or Would I have pursue another dream along the journey? I can now only dream……
Second, I dreamt of becoming a doctor. Since, I like helping people and doctor is a great act of service to help people, I thought becoming a doctor would be really cool. It was when I was seven or eight years old.
Did I become a doctor? or Am I studying in medical field or MBBS? The answer is no. It has nothing to do with my insecurity like in the first one. This dream was left for more realistic things.
The first time I visited the hospital, I just didn’t like anything, the way people were anxious or crying or trying to suppress their pain and the way hospital smelt like a antiseptic medicine with foul smell, I didn’t like it. I started to think how will I become a doctor if I don’t like hospital in the first place. But still, there was a little hope left thinking that I could adjust and accept the cons that came from being a doctor but that soon quickly vanished when I finally understood what doctors have to do in the hospital like cutting body parts and sewing it and so on. I was like no I can’t do that. I can’t even see wounds of other people let alone treating them seem like an impossible tasks for me. My hands tremble whenever I tried to do that. That is why I believed this path is not for me and I stopped dreaming about being a doctor.
Third one, is funny when I think about it because I dreamt of becoming CA(Chartered Accountant) because the boy I used to like had wanted to become CA too. You know that moment, when teacher used to ask question like what do you want to be when you grow up? That was the moment when I came to know about his dream which became my dream later on.
I used to dream about going to same college where we study together, talk and spend our time together and you know, the things that all the girls dream about their crush. Now I think about it, it was a foolish crush and I had hopelessly fallen for him. I liked him so much that I was ready to accept his dream as mine. But now, I can’t even imagine to like someone that much. I guess reading books had made my standards even higher.
That was it. That dream was vanished the moment he had a girlfriend and I was brokenhearted.
Then, the time came for me to choose what to do with my life in grade 10 when I had to choose between science and management.
How am I suppose to know what I want to do ? How anyone know what to do in their life? Do they have some powers to know about their passion?
I really, really am envious of those people who have passion and they work hard to achieve their dreams. This was the time I was so lost and just didn’t know what to do. When people used to ask me what will you become or what course would you take, I had no idea at all. It was like I didn’t know myself enough to know what I like and what I want to do in future.
At last, I chose science because later on I would have a lot of options and I hated management and time passed on but that same dilemma had returned when I had to again choose what to study in Bachelor. Again, that feeling of lost when you don’t know anything had returned and I was so sick of it. I like everything but at the same time I had no passion for anything. And the pressure from the family members and seeing friends pursing their dreams as they dreamt about it, I was feeling anxious and I didn’t want to be left behind. Dreams felt like a shining star that can’t keep up with the reality back then. So, I choose whatever was in front of me. I was sure that I don’t want to continue anything related with science background after studying science in high school. So, when my friend suggested to go to CMAT class along with her I just agreed to it and went. That’s when I came across BIM(Bachelor In Information Management) and without so much consideration, I decided to study that course and that’s how I became an IT student and am in 5th semester now.
During those past years, I didn’t know what I was doing. Sometimes, I wanted to give up and leave. Sometimes, I would be thinking what if I had listened to my heart rather than my mind and started to explore more about myself and then consider to study whatever I wanted but it was too late. I didn’t have any goals, I didn’t want anything, I didn’t even have any dreams at that point of my life. But, life is unpredictable and dreams can be changed with course of time.
After so many years lost, I started to dream again and I think dreams are our hope in life. It gives us a small portion of light and hope in the darkness where everything is perfect, happy, harmonious and peaceful. I finally saw a dream where I was happy and smiling. I think I have been so hard on myself in recent years and been so sad and unhappy so much that I always see myself being happy in my dream.
Literally, what is dream? It is, of course, represents our in-depth desires and wishes. The things I always dream and imagine that I wish would be reality, is being happy wherever I am or whatever I am doing. I don’t want to think so much. I don’t want to care so much. I just want to enjoy myself and my life with or without people. I think this dream has told me to finally let go of those sorrows and live the life that you want.
I know I am not perfect but nowadays I don’t think about it so much and say that it is just a learning phase, you will get there after some time and will meet lots of amazing people that will love you and care for you.
It is the last dream that I ever have and it has never been changed. It has become a reoccurring dream. Maybe, it is because I am still in process to make it possible in real life and trust me, being happy is not easy at all. And, this is all about my dreams till now and I would love to know about your dreams too.
