such is love.

“Wake up, you sleepyhead!”
“Oh hey. I’m awake.”

I wake up, back into the same loop. An endless spiral of time; a never ending cycle of the same places, the same situations, and the same people. The prewritten book of fate stuck on the same page.

I remember today. It’s the same. It has been the same for as long as I can remember; for as long as I have been alive even. The sun rises and the moon goes to sleep. The alarm rings, and the sleep fades away.

It’s always the same.

I wake up at 7:38 am, deprived of sleep. I remember going to bed early last night, I always do. I remember. There isn’t much new to the day; it is the same old song and dance. Everything moves like clockwork, being where it needs to be, when it needs to be. Not a moment too early, nor a second too late. The only thing that seems to change is the conversations I have with people. Not that I remember everything though.

It’s pouring heavily. I go to the Grounded Sky, the small cafe just around the block. The sweet smell of baked goodies is welcoming, and the whole place is warm and cozy. The jazz being played on the speakers seems oh-so-familiar. I get a coffee, and cookies, chocolate chip of course. They arrive right as the song ends.

I sit in silence as I wait. Wait for you.

You arrive. Our eyes meet as you sit down.
“Sorry! I’m late!”
“Nah, it’s okay. I just arrived too.”
“You’re very bad at lying, you know.”
“Yeah I guess so huh.”

“Chocolate chipp!”, you exclaim with glee, seeing your favourites on the table. I grin. You grin too, starting to munch on the cookies.
We talk. You talk, I listen lovingly. I have no words to say, or maybe too much to say even. So, I stay quiet.

We sit in silence. It’s comforting in a way.

I admire you, the most beautiful soul I know. So gentle and caring; full of such grace that even angels would be filled with envy. That face I’ve seen countless times, yet an eternity could pass and I would not tire of seeing it. That warm smile that carries the secrets to my joy, and those eyes, with depths even greater than the depths of the abyss.

Such is love.

You catch me spacing out. “Are you okay? You seem tired.”
For a moment, I want to just say that I am fine. But I don’t. Not this time.
“I’ve been experiencing the same day again and again. It’s like I’m stuck in a loop”, I say, without thinking for a second. A weird sense of deja vu.
“Huh?” “Yeah.”

You seem confused. Rightfully so. I’m the one experiencing it and even I don’t believe it sometimes. I don’t know how to explain it either, that is all I know.

“What do you mean by that?”
“Well, I’ve been going through the same day for as far as I can remember. It’s like I’m stuck in today. If that makes sense.”
“So you’ve experienced this day over and over again?”
“Yes.”
“Oh okay.”
Silence.

“That is such a bad joke”, you burst out laughing. “At least think of something more believable! I don’t know how you even said that with a straight face!”

I laugh along. You won’t understand, at least not until I can explain it better. I don’t know if that day will ever come, but seeing your joy, I don’t think about it. Hearing that hearty laugh, I don’t question the situation I’m in.

Maybe I’ll remember this conversation. Maybe I won’t.
But if this is God’s way of allowing me to be with you for all of eternity, maybe I won’t question it at all.