The art of saying things straight

We all beat around the bush. We all have had times when we were in a fix. We were all part of the circumstances wherein we couldn’t be completely honest about the thoughts in our heads lest we pay a hefty price were those words to come out of our mouths. But that’s really fine. There are benefits to it.

It’s more often than not good to keep things to yourself. It adds one less layer of complexity to your mental conundrums. You don’t have to air everything out in the open to come out as a frank and honest person.

No. No. No. What I’m trying to address in this post is the fact that we go on beating around the bush way too much. All. The. Time.

• Remember the time when you were pushed by your boss to give a definitive deadline to your assigned work and you gave an extremely optimistic one because it would put him off your back for the moment?
• Remember when your kid asked you to take him out for a ride but you were caught up in some work, so you passed it off by saying: Not now honey. Some other time. Remember?
• Remember when your friend said something very offensive but you kept mum for you didn’t want to jeopardize your friendship?

I can go on and on but let’s just say you get it. You acknowledge the crux of the matter and you are willing to identify it as a problem that needs to be culled. That you are seeking for a solution for it. So what would it be?

Going in rounds Vs. Shooting straight ahead.

Before venturing into a plausible solution, let us first take a dip at why is it important that we be straight and honest about our thoughts (of course, of only thoughts that ought to be put out).

Let’s take this in points.

1. You’re relieved of the emotional baggage that comes with bottling up your emotions and thoughts. You’re less stressed and have more to be grateful for.
2. You align everyone’s expectations to the ground realities and thus save the risk of running into troubles with them later. Your boss might feel let down or furious for now owing to the realistic projections of your deadlines but then, he is bound to appreciate you for being on time than otherwise.
   PS: You will be able to deliver on time because your projections weren’t skewed.
3. By being honest, you’ll foster more chances of the problem actually being solved and let something better take its place than were you to just let your thoughts pass unheard.
   Perhaps your child will understand your situation and really grow up to respect your efforts.
   Perhaps your friend will realize his mistakes and rectify them.
4. When they said honesty is the best policy, they were right. Nope. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not asking you to go out and tell your uncle Ben that he is stupid because he thinks the younger generation isn’t as hard-working as theirs was. I’m just saying honesty at the right times saves you all the unnecessary trouble that ensues by not being honest.
5. Lastly. It sets you apart. People will come to respect you for being an open and just person. They’ll come to see as a person who will not flinch an eye in making the right observation in clear, upright words. They will entrust you with their trust: honestly, a highly invaluable asset, if you ask me. They will want to be like you.

Now that we have established the essentials, let’s look at the things that you can do to fix this problem.

• Do you love chocolates but not cheesecakes? Say so. Do you not enjoy watching football but rather would read books? Say so. In short. Express your choices. Your friends and family will have to understand. But mind you, it’s a two-way street and you might have to understand their quirks too. And also be aware of the fact that this might sometimes backfire on your chances of making or keeping friends. So just practice and experiment until you can tell when it’s safe to express and when it’s better not to.
• Practice clear and concise language. Keep ambiguity out of sentences and establish a firm ground in your vocabulary. It not only aids you in increasing your information density per sentence but actively molds you into a person that speaks clearly and without confusion: two very called-for traits when you want to be straight and honest.

Simplicity and comprehension beat elegance by a mile!

• Add candid and honesty to your identity. Be the person who doesn’t go around in circles. Be the person who is confident and firm with his thoughts.
  All of this is fundamentally an identity problem. As James Clear says in his book Atomic Habits:
  If you want to quit smoking cigarettes,
  go around saying: I’m not a smoker,
  rather than saying: I’m trying to quit smoking
  whenever someone offers you a drag.
  Become the person you want to be.
• Lastly. Relax a little bit. We all make mistakes.
  To err is human. To forgive, divine. — Alexander Pope
  Forgive yourself. Be gentle to oneself and let go. Wear your mistakes with pride (be sure to correct them first and be surer to not repeat them again) and live your life openly.

That’s all it takes. A bunch of bitsy little changes here and there and you are good to go.