To get anywhere in life, quit complaining!
Just like any other emotional action that human beings are capable of performing, complaining is also an intrinsic and necessary-evil action of our lives. As an age-old proverb goes: Unless a baby doesn’t cry, the mothers do not feed.
We all complain and as long as it is in the healthy permissible limits, it’s okay. But issues stem when one becomes a bummer all the time. When he/she nags at things relentlessly, sees life as unfair (which it is by the way), and is constantly striving to achieve perfection (which isn’t worth the effort).
Of having read several biographies and blog posts of all those who are deemed successful, I’ve learned the following:
1. They do not complain. But they don’t stop at that, they go one step ahead.
2. They find solutions.
Complaining as a nasty business
Complaining is a nasty business if that’s all you do in life (or as long as you do that in life). It adds zero value to the solution and draws a pall of complexity atop an already complex problem. One important distinction you’ve to make early on regarding it is smartly captured in the following quote by Eckhart Tolle:
Complaining is not to be confused with informing someone of a mistake or deficiency so that it can be put right. — Eckhart Tolle
Before we proceed further, let me take a step back here and put forth a bunch of causes that psychologists think are at the root of complaining:
- People complain when their expectations do not match with reality. This is the most obvious one. You complain when you are caught by surprise (especially a bad one).
- Complaining is a form of communication and a means for validation. You complain when you feel you’re not being validated amongst your close ones.
- We all seek control of our lives. When we lose control, we complain. We all are control-centric.
- Complaining sucks out responsibility from your roles. It is this by-product that makes complaining all the more alluring.
These causes do not automatically justify complaining. But they reveal to us ways in which we can curb it. And that’s exactly what we should discuss next.
Let’s lose it
Complaining is bad. Many studies have conclusively shown that complaining is not only bad for the complainer but also makes the listeners of these complaints feel worse. If that isn’t bad enough, you ought to know its biggest downfall: Grumbling shifts your focus from progress to setbacks. Such a shift of focus is a sure-shot path to a great deal of suffering and stagnation in life.
So what should you do? How can you overcome this nastiness in life? Here are a bunch of things you can do to overcome this horrible strategy to failure:
1. Acknowledge that complaining is a problem. Acknowledge the various complexities that it brings to your life. Acknowledge that you owe it to yourself and to others to spare them of this misery.
2. As the acclaimed American poet, Maya Angelou says in her book Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey Now:
What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Don’t complain.
In other words, strive to be a part of the solution. Add to the solution. By being part of the problem, you’re being no better than the problem itself.
3. Own up. Take responsibility for your life. Every difficulty in this world that affects you stems from within you. You may not be the cause of the strife but you are part of the response team and by responding with a healthy, positive and progress-driven mindset, you win over it.
4. Understand that by complaining, you are losing precious time and energy that you can invest in better pursuits. Respect your time, energy and mental peace. You are important. You shouldn’t treat yourself miserably.
5. Lastly. Live a bit. Strive to make your life beautiful. Your world hasn’t come to meet its end. You are a very amazing person and you are very blessed. Count on these positives in life and breath away from the pain that complaining puts on you.
Before finishing this article, I would want to leave you with these words:
For every million things that are wrong in this world, if you find one thing that makes life worthwhile on this planet, you win.
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