Don’t punish yourself for underperforming

Unless you love being burnt out.

Photo by Verne Ho on Unsplash

These past two weeks have been miserable. I’ve been barely able to get myself to write the blog, let alone invest time and energy in substantial work. The blog is my minimum viable effort, and I couldn’t even do that.

I felt miserable.

All of the progress I made since August was simply gone. Washed away. I felt like my old self again. Powerless against my own bad habits. It seemed like nothing I could do would be able to change my situation.

At the same time, putting a lot of pressure on myself for not performing, leading to an even worse state of mind, where I couldn’t even think about writing.

But, something changed today.

No, I didn’t have an amazingly productive day. In fact, I spent most of it cleaning around the apartment, meditating, exercising, and watching YouTube videos. Now, in the evening, I remembered to write a blog post.

What changed was my own perspective on my situation.

So what if I wasn’t performing as much as I would like to? Is that such a bad thing? Should I feel bad for not being able to produce the results that I desire? Or should I accept the facts of the situation and think about the baby steps I can take to get started in a new direction?

Instead of psychologically punishing myself, I decided to accept and let go of myself. Go ahead, have a free day, have fun, do whatever you want. I won’t bother you today. I won’t expect anything.

But, pretty good things came out of this change in perspective.

I’ve come to realize that it’s okay that I haven’t been able to work.

It’s fine.

It’s a signal that is telling me that my priorities are changing.

However, I must understand that it’s important to maintain control of the direction my life is heading. I don’t want to enter yet another downward spiral, hit rock-bottom, only to build myself up again.

No more.

I will take whatever tiny step I can muster to get myself going in the right direction. And that’s a promise.

Because I want a good life, and a good life needs a person with good habits.