Near Peer Mentorship

The general attention to mentorship within STEM has increased within the past few years, yet the broader community is missing a really great opportunity by defining the word “mentor” too narrowly. Approaching the subject, as I’ve seen done, where “mentorship” is another box to check for scholastic or extracurricular activities creates a sense of obligation without the necessary emotional commitment. I’d like to explore a new type of mentorship: Near Peer Mentorship (NPM). By near-peer I mean someone who has advanced in her career slightly more than you. We should celebrate and nurture near-peer mentorship relationships because they are realistically safer, easier to establish and maintain and more impactful for women in STEM than “traditional” mentorships.

Famous mentorship relationships in academia (such as the one between Bohr and Heisenberg) have led to a romanticized view of mentorship as a collaboration between an esteemed professor and a prodigious graduate student. Or, in private sector, there is also a construct of a mentor as one who shows a junior staff person how to advance the management chain. Both of these constructs are inadequate and potentially flawed for women in STEM. Ours is a world in which it is not safe to be alone with some professors. The chance of an executive intentionally bringing up a woman through the ranks is still slim. If women do advance, there is still a significant wage gap. This is not to say “traditional” mentorships cannot develop. They should and still do. Personally, most of my “traditional” mentorship network are women, People of Color or extremely well read White men.

By contrast, NPMs are comparatively safer. Mentorships and friendships are not mutually exclusive. A NPM might be the person you feel safe asking to edit your personal statement for grad school. She might be the one you can feel vulnerable asking advice on challenging career decisions because went through a similar challenge 3–5 years ago. Maybe she’s also experienced a death in the family during her PhD and knows which services the school has available for grief counseling. She is the one who teaches you how to negotiate, despite your girl training (socialization as a woman in Western society). She might be the role model you look to because she has young kids and that is a path you want to pursue. Having someone who is close in age helps keep perspective of the beginner’s mind that naturally occurs earlier in a career.

Starting NPM relationships can readily integrate into preexisting structures in Universities. There are many organizations on college campuses like SWE that create space for graduate students and undergrads to come together. Clubs, departments or organizations within the institution can be safe havens and often attract a range of folks at different points in their journey. My advice for these organizations is to encourage people to check pretension at the door. I attended a meeting or two like this as an undergrad. One peculiarity I noticed was feeling inferior to those in the room who were farther in their academic careers than me. This could have been a moment of personal self-doubt but I think the artificial barriers created by academic institutions create hierarchies of who is considered “important”. Again, the solution is to be present, be vulnerable.

I go about establishing NPMs (and friendships) in a number of different ways, but there are certain underlying themes that make mine successful. They are:

• I take care of myself first. Despite appearing as an extreme extrovert I am secretly introverted and need time and space to myself. I make sure my lowest level Maslow needs are met before I stretch into a social space.
• I say “Hello” to everyone. I make eye contact, offer to shake hands if that’s appropriate. Sometimes it’s a swing and a miss. Sometimes it’s a home run. Honestly, I don’t notice I do this but it’s important that I do.
• I get involved in pre existing communities. No need to reinvent the wheel if awesome people have created awesome spaces already.
• I create new communities. With the foundation of the communities I already have access to, I build new niches that attract slightly different people. I rule those spaces with safety and cooperation, as only a Hufflepuff leader can.
• I maintain regular contact with the important people in my life. This, for me, has been the key to avoiding the awkward situation of only contacting people when I need something.
• I show up. I learn what is important, professionally, to my network. I attend graduations, I go to the panels they speak in, I read their writing. I let them know I’m there.
• I build mutual accountability. I know what my NPMs short-term goals are and when we co-work or check in I ask them about their progress. In return, they ask me about how I’m doing on my goals.
• I work on trying to be a better friend, mostly with other women. When I was a child, I bought into the toxic culture of competition and pettiness that I thought was how women held friendships with each other. In the past 5–6 years I have tried to outgrow this set of beliefs and see opportunities in altruistically lifting up the accomplishments of my peers. Particularly, I have grown to see the worth in giving due credit to other women’s efforts in science because I have felt the sting of being denied proper credit.

Finally, these types of relationships can be deeply impactful to both parties. One of my best personal examples is a friend whom I refer to on my blog as “Conference Cousin”. She and I met at a conference in Canada where we both were sitting outside a room waiting for a session. None of the organizers were around but the room was open so we looked at each other and proceeded into the room and started chatting. It so happened that she wanted to work under the one of the professors I researched with in my undergrad. Over the next couple days I coached her about what moving to California would realistically look like and how to deal if she did not get accepted into UC Berkeley. Naturally, we connected over Facebook and continued to talk regularly. As the year progressed, she learned that she did not get into Berkeley. Instead she was accepted to Stanford, a place that fit her much better. Now she is preparing for qualifying exams and I know exactly which day she takes them and have a gift prepared for her when she passes.

Even though the focus of our 1:1 hangouts is usually around professional goals, we are also friends. She is on my weekly newsletter and is one of the people who has regularly reached out when I’ve expressed distress in my writing. Her regular game nights have introduced me to the other geology grad students at Stanford and kept me in the professional loop of what it’s like to be a grad student. Our NPM and friendship is one where I feel valued for my intelligence and experience.

My question to you today is how do we grow these types of relationships? Of course, the traditional Millennial answer to this problem would be to write an app for that. It would have to be a blend of Facebook, LinkedIn and OK Cupid — -something along the lines of Practicum Fit’s algorithm. I’m a big proponent of using social media to enhance relationships, especially long distance ones. But I’m wary of tech companies manipulating their users (or using predatory tactics to spread usage) while talking a big game about “disruptive innovation.”. I would encourage people in search of NPM to try to meet potential mentors/mentees in person first, and then develop online relationships that support each other.

However it happens, I hope that more women in STEM find and support each other in ways that work. We need each other now more than ever.