My Modern Resume
Why look through pages of bland text about boring work experience? Hello, it’s 2016! You can just stalk me on social media.
Dear Reader,
I am applying for the Digital Beggar job at Patreon. This is my last resort. All my past gigs are becoming automated or obsolete. So please I really need this.
Seriously Please,
Matt Orfalea
CAREER HISTORY
- It’s been a while since I worked for a mega corporation, but I have recently been solicited by various mega corporations including FOX and Nickelodeon to work for no pay as is now the industry standard.
- My work has been stolen and shared by many large Facebook Pages, where they receive many millions of views. Occasionally, I even get credit for my own work.
- Last month my work was removed without explanation from Facebook. So you know it was good stuff…
QUALIFICATIONS
I spent an insane amount of money at a 4 year college learning how to use 16 mm film. It’s kinda like video. I have since taught myself how to use video.
SKILLS
- Video making / Video editing
I have not been “certified” by Adobe Premiere. (That costs money.) But I have been given a shout out from them. They’re actually big fans of my video editing (& rap skills!).
2. Investigative Journalism
I wasn’t even trying. But I caught PBS censoring Jill Stein. And bada-bing bada-boom the story was featured on new sites all over the net. (Truthdig, Counterpunch, TYT Politics, The Observer, RT America, and many others.)
3. Writing like a 12 year old / a Buzzfeed reporter
Like right now.
REFERENCES
The following tweets are from people with blue checkmarks next to their name sharing my content. I repeat: people with blue checkmarks next to their name. So you must accept their tweets as gospel.
I have also had thousands of great reviews from people without a fancy blue checkmark next to their name. So please support me. It will help me spend more time doing work, instead of begging for it.
THANK YOU FOR CONSIDERING ME,
Matt Orfalea
Matt Orfalea makes videos on Youtube. You can also follow him here on Medium, Twitter, and Facebook. If you feel others would appreciate this post, please click the green heart below so more people see it.
