9 Most Absurd and Very Best Curb Arguments
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It’s nothing new to say that every episode of HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm features at least one or two or five ridiculous arguments involving the show’s star, Larry David. Mostly improvised, these altercations deliver deadly doses of hilarity, awkwardness, and absurdity. With an endless amount of arguments to choose from over Curb’s 80 episodes, we believe we have found and chosen the nine very best ones.
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- Larry vs. Cliff Cobb — Who really invented the Cobb Salad?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ULYWaUZMLA
This quarrel comes from my all time favorite Curb episode, Trick or Treat. In both Seinfeld and Curb, Larry David has demonstrated an innate ability to bring minor interactions and occurrences full circle by an episode’s end. An argument that spawns from accusations of adultery, leads to whether golf clothes are appropriate casual-every-day attire, and finally culminates with a back-and-forth about the origins of the Cobb Salad — recapping three seemingly minor occurrences from earlier in the episode. What?!?
— MS
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2. Larry vs. Richard Lewis — The Larry David Sandwich
https://youtu.be/NCGOFKC7-uY?t=1m11s
Long story short, Larry tries his best to get his very own sandwich at a local deli. He sees that almost every other celebrity has one, and feels that he’s earned his place on the board. LD finally gets what he wants, but not exactly. The sandwich has a lot of odd and unsavory items — among them whitefish, cream cheese, and sable.
Fast forward… Larry is sitting in temple, with Richard Lewis a few seats away. Richard whispers “Hey, how’d you get that sandwich?” which is all it takes to get things started between the two. They go back and forth, right in the middle of the service, quickly grabbing everyone’s attention with their arguing, including that of the rabbi and the cantor. To be honest, it’s a hilarious juxtaposition — the quiet high holiday service against the loud bickering about a completely irrelevant topic. Pure gold.
— JD
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3. Larry vs. Jeff, Susie, and Marty Funkhouser — Eeny Kidney Miney Moe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhtIy9mP1xo
Larry, Jeff, Susie, and Marty Funkhouser blabber back and forth over the rules of eeny meeny miney moe, “out goes Y-O-U.” Does the “U” mean you win or you lose? The most ridiculous part of all of it — this decides who has to give their kidney to Richard Lewis. It’s a brilliantly improvised scene that demonstrates both Curb’s absurdity, and the seamless chemistry between its actors.
— MS
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4. Larry vs. Ted Danson — Just Desserts
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxuPPaMp250
“I don’t have any room, I am stuffed”, that’s where it all began. Larry is out on a date and long-time friend Ted Danson sends over a complimentary piece of pie. Larry is too full to have any and sends it away, but right as it’s getting taken away Ted comes over and insists he tries at least a piece. Larry defends his case, saying “I had the option of ordering dessert, and I didn’t want the dessert at the time.” It’s a bit of a tricky situation, but I am someone who has complete food guilt. I will eat any food that is presented to me as a gift, or food that was prepared by a friend, even if I am allergic.
— JD
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5. Larry vs. Richard Lewis — Battle of the Colons
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PDBiUzv2uc
Larry does a favor for Richard Lewis by recommending Richie-boy’s girlfriend Cha Cha to the company down the hall. However, things quickly go awry, with her office being right by the bathroom. A frequent toilet attendee, Larry has to walk by Cha Cha each time and do a dreaded “stop and chat.” Once Cha Cha starts expressing “bowel concern” for Larry by telling Richard about LD’s constant bathroom habits, that’s the last straw. Larry and Richard have an epic confrontation in the former’s office, culminating in Richard challenging Larry to a “colon contest” to discover who has the cleanest colon. Utterly ridiculous.
— MS
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6. Larry vs. Susie — Do you respect wood?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdvDKTXJazU
At Julia-Louis Dreyfus’ party, Larry is accused of leaving a ring stain on her antique wooden table. LD is certain that it wasn’t him, and throughout the duration of the episode attempts to figure out who did it. Eventually he finds a ring stain on a table at Jeff and Susie’s house and proceeds to ask Susie if she respects wood. Check out the link above to see her reaction.
— JD
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7. Larry vs. Susie — Drunk 7-Year-Old
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gY9uvy4d318
“You sick f*ck, Larry David!” Our protagonist (or really antagonist depending how you look at it) has been on the receiving end of those words in one form or another all throughout this series. For context, the Greenes get a new German Shepherd dog named Oscar, but Jeff is allergic so the decision goes to his and Susie’s daughter Sammi on who gets to stay — the dad or the dog. She chooses the latter.
Larry goes to the Greene house to convince Sammi to have mercy on her dad, and she obliges…because she was piss-drunk off some wine Larry had actually poured for himself. This results in one the more epic back-and-forths between Larry and Susie, in a series with no shortage of hysterically intense Larry vs. Susie interactions.
— MS
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8. Larry vs. Dean Weinstock — I’ll just send you a bill
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2yCmW0ARs0
At one of Larry’s many doctor’s appointments, he runs into his previous next-door neighbor, Dean Weinstock, at the reception desk. They embrace for a hug, and Larry crushes Dean’s glasses in the process. The pieces fall on the floor, they continue to chat, and his neighbor sneaks in “I’ll just send you a bill.” Larry isn’t one for these subtle pieces of a conversation, and decides to dive into how the glasses broke and why he won’t pay for them. Just imagine this argument happening in front of you at the doctor’s office. So much more entertaining than the six-year-old Women’s Health magazine that always seems to have a page missing and is placed on every waiting room table.
— JD
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9. Larry vs. The Girl Scouts — I’m cancelling my order!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ky5OgmJueXY
Girl Scout argument aside, the preceding fight between Larry and Leon after the latter admits he indulged in some unpleasantries in the former’s master bedroom is one of the greatest moments on this show.
This immediately segues into Larry’s final interaction with some girl scouts, whom he promised earlier in the episode that he would purchase five boxes of each cookie. Now they’ve come to collect their debts, but Larry refuses to pay up. “I don’t even like girl scout cookies!” Only LD could get into an argument with a group of 10-year-old girls (and believe us when we say this is neither the first or last time where he argues with children).
— MS
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Next week (August 13th): 9 Best Celebrity Cameos on Curb Your Enthusiasm
Other installments:
Week 1 — 9 Executive Orders Under a Larry David Presidency
Week 3 — 9 Best Curb Your Enthusiasm Celebrity Cameos
Week 4 — Are You Sure? — The 9 Best Larry David Stare-Downs
Week 5 — 9 Insane Moments that Are Honestly Too Insane for Curb Your Enthusiasm
Week 6 — A Tribute to Comic Shelley Berman, Larry David’s TV Dad
Week 7 — COMING SOON (September 17, 2017)
Week 8 — COMING SOON (September 24, 2017)
Week 9 — COMING SOON (October 1, 2017)
